complicated or delusional

Well, it’s the time of the year again, Xmas around the corner, booze, family gathering for some, those who are married with enormous children at home wagging their tongue for festive meals, big giant turkey and sweet dessert. For some, it means Xmas night out with friends prior to the celebration of virgin Mary’s son, Jesus Christ. While some having celebration with booze, for me a farewell dinner before I leave for a better job prospect. At the dinner table, comes the gal who claimed relationship a problem, the exact word she describes, complicated yet she still lingers for the hopes she has been on lingering for more than six months, yes 6 months! She has given all she could ever possible or someone could have ever asked before. All the good deals start with the big “C”s, in fact more than just one C. Never mind the age gap, the culture and the parental factors as she is able to take up the challenge. One could only envy what she has to offer but the main key point here missing is the chemistry. Like the old proverb goes, it takes two for the keys to click and believe it or not, I trust the key-lock hypothesis. It is only the right key to the happiness to unlock the right lock. Yes, there is only one key for everyone. Different bearers have different shapes, colour and to match the brand too. Me on the other hand, has been struggled to find the right key, the ultimate one despite endlessly aiming for 5 years. Ups and downs like a roller coaster, it was an exciting rough ride. Regardless of the drama entailing the ride, there is always a person sitting next to me in the ride. That’s my best pal ever I met throughout my years being abroad. As I am writing this piece, I am up in the sky, over thousands of attitudes awaiting a thousand over miles journey before I could call home for Xmas. Boarding the airline might give you a surprise. What looks in the inside doesn’t always give you the whole story as it is a whole different feel inside. Decorations in line with the festive mood, peak season does not come free without children, sometimes wonder could it be a tears of joy or cursed tie down trapped freedom. One thing that smirks me off is the wee soft toy hanging in the aisle . It’s frosty, the snowman and now the red suit bearded over weight guy we know as Santa Claus. The flight was a full house, with a miniature TV in every seat except the front row with no leaning seats in the front. The food, I would rate 7 out of 10.The presentation is better than airway I have been in. Silver solid cutlery was given with the aroma spicy curry on board, savoury rice and lastly complementary dessert. My favourite bit. All-right too much babbling, time to revert to the topic we discussed earlier, the complicated delusional one has on for hopes, faith and slowly fades into profound memory. There was coffee discussion between her and her complicated yet to know potential date, not a step forward to partner. One willing to compromise but the others feel bad when she compromise, yes the guilt will eat her up as the sacrifice is too big, might costs her whole life. Decision, tougher than you could imagine. Most often than not, in our lives, choices are options. Back in those old days, there was never a question of options. People just do after what they have been told. No question, no doubts policy. You just need to find a way to adapt your way through. If success, well done and if fail, a shame in Asian culture and try your best again in Western. In the end of it, it is the love that holds two together, not money, not asset, not friendship. Wait a minute, Did I just say friendship. Where has the old motto gone, value friendship more than relationship. The golden rule I always applied whenever envy kicks in. I guess it is an excuse others, single potential bachelor used to make them feel much better and secure with the words “ who needs a partner when you have mate”. Easier said than done, mellowness starts to kick in when you are away from home, be it studies, business purpose or a better job prospect. The time when you reached for the phone, it goes to voice mail. Mates gone home for gathering, the once a year festive gathering and when you come home, you realised there was no one at home, empty, cold and blackness engulfing the whole apartment, leaving you to linger your plan the next minute. That is the time where you desperately get on the line to call home and later little did you find out that no one is at home, left a voice mail unanswered until tomorrow afternoon listening to the joyful cracks your mum was telling you and the fun she had on a night out. You begin to wonder, is this the sort of life you want to live? Speaking of her, she has all the good “KIKI”s a girl could ever ask for, or should I use the word dying for. Of all the goodness, it has been enriched in the wrong place, the wrong person and the wrong time. Let’s break it into pieces, shall we? Family affair no longer an issue she should be concerned about, out and proud. Financial situation, let me put it in this way, driving an Audi car with a stable job with a title in the front of her name. Sounds a good deal. There are three things she mentioned in the relationship, ground rules set up by her future “counter part”. Such she vividly reminded mutual respect, compromise and the last one is not on top my head now. Nevertheless, it seemed that she was set up with the conditions without her thoughts on it. They say love is blind, as far as the eyes can see. Its true, when you are deeply or grossly emotionally stuck to someone, all you see is denial. However the reasons are, there would be always the positive side of the story when the signals are clearly heading towards asking her to step back, get out and the sooner she realised it the better in situ with the popular “ She’s just not that into you” film. Sounds familiar, yes it is for me “ He’s just not that into you” Nobody said it was easy, such a shame they have to part. Running in circles, catching up on each other’s tail, isn’t she sick and tired of repeating the cycle again and over again. As for me, you have already subconsciously guessed the answer. Yes, it makes my gut wrench and spasm occasionally. The most difficult part for me to go back to square one, restart everything again from scratch. It scared and in fact, some people find it terrifying to have to rebuilt your comfort zone when it is either broken or invaded. Unless, you are the primadonna, never your fault no matter how much you play. Now standing in the front of the aisle, not too far from the loo, standing a father with a child. Child not behaving, running like a tarzan hence baby hugs to get rid of the madness which I foreseen hopefully would not happen.