Just How far would you go?

Just How far would you go ? 

I Bumped into my of one my old friend ( Matty ) in the gym today after my tiring fitness class. This year my resolution is to make myself more attractive to catch the right bird therefore gym bunny or you rather it being called regular gym goer fits into my description of new year resolution. It had been always the same resolution for the past few years as the old saying goes “ survival of the fittest “ , ain’t fit ain’t going anywhere in your journey of looking for the right bird for the right love, well at least in our rainbow community I have come to the acceptance of “ guys love to look at attractive things which might be the first step in opening up the soul window in getting to know each other.” 

 So after the class, I sat down in the lounge with Matty to catch up on his life, especially the subject of love. He is in a long distance relationship which has been going on for almost 6 months now and he will be going to introduce his partner to his family soon in February, the red festive holiday, Chinese New year. It was truly a blessing to see everyone getting hitched and ready to move forward initiating the step in getting closer to one’s personal life including ones’s family. As long as the long distance relationship sounds, he does not mind flying 4 hours to another country just to meet his partner up over the short weekends. It becomes short although both of them are living apart more than a thousand miles. Matty is optimistic and goes out from his heart all the way to pursue his love dream regardless of the distance and time difference. If you asked me, I think I will be to exhausted travelling to and fro and lack of sleep would trigger my cranky side which nobody ever want to see. At times, he would even offer to call him up as a reminder of his important events ahead and even at wee hours given the time difference. Not just that , he also reached out to understand his partner’s social life. Yes as sweet as it might sound, all relationship has its own fair share of conflicts , especially in the period of discovering one another. The conflict started to stir as he gets to know his partner’s social life in depth.

 We all have that one friend, whom we called as bestie or BFF ( Best friends forever) to talk to us when we needed the most despite looking like a zombie without the need to put up a good look when meeting up. Unfortunately, the situation between Matty and his partner’s bestie did not sound too good. For instance, clash of objectives in life and some sort like a yin vs yang energy influencer in his partner’s life. So the struggle is real for Matty to either sway his partner to him and vice versa for his partner’s bestie. It is not easy and I know Matty is rational enough to let loose and not to loose his head over the conflict created by his partner’s bestie. Beastie to Matty but bestie to his partner. So there you go, the balance he needed to go through and eventually to find a way out to resolve beastie vs bestie issues that might surface more in the future to come as they go down the road together. As I was telling Matty, the love- hate relationship between two people is never ever just between him and his partner, but it does revolve around people who plays a certain role in our social background. Believe me you, if anyone has ever told you that the society influencers such as friends, family, work, environment and etc.. just to name a few are redundant in a relationship, that person must have had low sense of awareness of things of happening around or choose to ignore until one day the issue is significant enough to break the relationship apart. Speaking from my experience unless somebody would like to challenge it. Consequently, accepting somebody into your life involves accepting the person’s as a whole and that would include his partner’s bestie in Matty’s situation.


 Just as I was able to conclude the piece of the day , my phone buzzed with a text from my friend, ( dragon) inspirational quote of relationship which runs:



“ Seize the opportunity when it is knocking on your door. Each lifestyle we choose come with either sorrows or joys. In addition to it , nothing is permanent in this world so enjoy while you still have the opportunity to do so.”
Lots of questions popped up in my head and I texted back below :

“ How Do you know when it’s the right door? “

“ How do you safeguard your heart from getting hurt if you choose to open the door which you think it is the right one?”

“ Are we ready to accept the aftermath of opening the door to reveal all yourself including your flaws to the person you think might be the right one?”


“ Is there anything we could do to minimise the risks of opening the wrong door?”
Another buzz from the old wise one ( dragon who is one of my besties after refining his words in the text message),

there is no right or wrong in the relationship, it’s a choice you choose and be able to have the courage to face it. In life we take risk and even the perfect plan you have planned for a long time in your head might turn up to be the plan you absolutely have no control over. Yes in another word, it is unpredictable but having said that , are you gonna just stay put and not move on to try again. There is no one right single answer to the question.

At the the back of my mind, it narrowed down to my topic of the day again “ How far would you go for, in a relationship or for a relationship?”

How long is too long ?

Is there such thing as too long ? 

 The title might suggest otherwise if some of you thought I would start writing hanky panky intimate stuff but you are wrong. The issue I want to touch here is , is there such thing as being single for too long ? It crossed my mind to ponder such question after a so not fortunate event happened on my lunch time.

 As usual, given the nature of my job, eating alone is not something new to me and whether I am on my working day or not , I still dine and do things alone mostly by myself. I picked a western restaurant in the zest for some grilled meats and so I walked in, greeted by the waiter before sitting in. Just as I was about to flip the menu, one of the waitress came up to me and gave me a familiar look as if she had known me before. 

On second glance, I did not remember dating her and neither she was one of my clients. With her cap on , smiley face she started speaking 

“ Hi sir, I’d seen you before. I think when I worked in Bali Thai ( Thai restaurant) you always like to eat the same food and always eat alone, one person.” 

At that moment, I had to giver her credits for recognising me but on the other hand, her words of “ eat alone “ irked me and I was trying not to be rude, I replied her 

“ yes, good memory."and proceeded to order in the hope of her not interrogating me more with the eating alone context.  Yes, I know perhaps I was too sensitive and she meant well. 

However, what she said opened up my mind to another idea which I did not realise that actually I had been eating by myself every day ( including weekends ) for almost 4 years now. It has been a significant period in which even a stranger could pick up and recognised me eating alone. 

I did not imply that being single eating alone is not a good idea and forbidden thing to do in this new era but what she said kinda reminded me of being single for years. Although I have been dating new guys, here and there but at the end of the day, back to square one eating alone. 

 So how long is long enough being single or do you actually wait until your alarm goes off telling you you have been alone significantly enough for others to pick it up?

same old brand new me year 2018

1/1/18 

NEW YEAR OR NEW BLUES ? 

  The very first time I pen In for this year just right after the old year 2017 has flown by. Lots of new year wishes everywhere and Facebook is definitely the hottest platform for wishes and greetings. Speaking of Facebook, lots of people whom I used to know singles renewed their love or vows and some even declared engagement.

 On thumbing through, lots of unpredictable news especially people whom I came across, thought they would have a character too strong for commitment pronounced engaged on the new year day. Yes, the ring and the status switched from single to attached. This reminds me that my time is ticking, and I am far far away sitting at the back of the bus seat, waiting for the stop to get out or shall I say , waiting for the right one to whisk me out to look outside the world with him. Given the limitation of us being in the rainbow community make it hard to socialise out and loud in the conservative society and when it comes to fixing a date, nothing but the social app makes it easy or is it the other way round. The reason why I said was that a guy whom I got to know less than 48 hours on the social dating app chickened out last minute. We were supposed to meet up like an old fashioned reservation dinner for two in the restaurant but he could not make it, for a reason of working out too hard in the gym and prefer to rest at home to recover his muscle ache. Once is fine but twice is the shame for me . I was not born yesterday and the same old trick did not work out too good for me to believe that he was sincerely and genuine to go out with me .

The first lesson happened when the guy whom I got to know after two dates blew me off last minute of not attending the movies which I had reserved online for the tickets. The reason, last minute chickened out and his reason being , got caught up with his family. Feeling sick of asking people out and taking the initiative to make the first move, I abruptly disconnected myself from that guy out of feeling frustration and upset.


 What should be the way for dating , ask or do not ask ? 

 Happy new year for some but no so happy new year for the new start for me.

Dates ? Mates or check mate ?

Dates ? Mates or check mate ? 


I cannot believe it is new year in 2 days time, coming to year 2018 . I know for the fact that I have been trying hard to look for the one which I always do. I know for the fact as well that many single guys in the jack’d app are looking for one thing, the only one thing that make them feel secure. It could be anything, from sex to friendship. I had been in it for years, since coming over to this little city. Living in this tiny island, full of single millennials isn’t easy or shall I say, it looked harder than it seemed to just get a date you can hold on to. Just the other day, I got to know two guys from the popular social dating app while browsing for the right one for something more substantial, rather than just meet up date and never call again .

 The first guy , Mr. BC . He is nice , cute, decent well mannered and well spoken US educated fine looking guy , in his early 30s , we met up in my place after a few conversations in the app. We started chatting by exchanging common interest, he likes to play board game and quiet night in with some wine and so do I.The chat kept flowing and soon, we exchanged number and connected for more to know each other. There is a saying that, all the good ones are taken and guess what, it is true. He is attached with a partner for 2 years and will be leaving abroad soon back to his home in USA. He was here for a week just to visit his grandma and would be back to his life in USA. There it goes again, so close yet so far. I thought he would be the one reason for me to delete the social app for good but apparently not. I have to say it again, all the good ones are no longer single, they are either snapped or married. On losing my hope, I thought to myself, no a bad idea to know him as a friend. Although it was just a short meet up , I did learn a few things from him. I asked him what keeps them together , he said common interest. Both of them like to solve puzzle or mystery. Besides, on their anniversary, they participated a mystery game together to solve it and they absolutely love it. That actually opened up my eyes to a different world.

Attraction draws two guys together but what keeps two people together , is common ground interest.

 It is one of the things that will never ever grow old or out of it. Unlike, physical which over time it could wear off. This scenario has helped to open up my heart to see things beyond beauty and not everything is about physical attraction.

 The 2nd guy , Mr Ben. I have not met up with him but after a few chats on the app, we exchanged lINE contact ( another app similar to what’s app except that you do not have to disclose your number ). We spoke over the phone via LINE app chat and he sounded genuine in telling me himself and found him very sincere. He was not afraid in telling me his background and even his medical conditions to me. Imagine that you have not met somebody and you have the guts to tell someone who is stranger to you bout your personal background including illnesses. For once, I thought he was different and really appreciate for his honesty and giving me the privilege to listen to him. Based on that , I gave him credit for fear not in telling me all about him and decided to make the first move to ask him out. Initially , we made up our mind to meet up on Saturday night for dinner but as the day comes, he started becoming quiet. I have a bad gut feeling telling me that he might not want to meet after all and it turned out to be true. He texted me in the evening that day which we were supposed to meet saying that he needed to help his mum to do something. Fair enough, since we were not destined to meet or perhaps his fear took over him so I respect his decision. Emotions took over me and I deleted him off from my list and guess he will never be able to hear from me again.

Sad to say it was check mate for him and game over.