Have you ever come across people telling you or eavesdropping to a conversation that gays think of sex every less than 10 minutes? Or when a guy cheats you, you are sombrely in despair and your straight best friends solaced by saying
“I am so sorry, Honey. But gays can hardly be faithful. The good looking ones, it is easier to get them to bed than to your heart.”
Well, truth to be told, that was the consolation advice I got after despondency disintegration of my I-LOVE-YOU relationship for months. Needless to mention, the dramatic crying episodes I had gone through missing his love, touch and every sense of his smell he left me to linger hopelessly in bed. In fact, I took longer to recuperate than I used to in the past.
The first immediate action I pulled was to find love again, the quicker the better. My way, was a HORNY-SAVIOUR at nights. It is not hard to be the new saviour every night when you are young and lean. Plenty of wolves howl for bottoms just before the midnight sets in, everyday. At the beginning of this new temporary love seeking job, literary known to rescue rapes, the sexual pleasure was there and more over when the guy complimented your beauty, the sense of feeling appreciated, sense of belonging and knowing that someone likes you, make you feel valuable thinking that it was your ex-bf’s lost ditching you.
To add on, I sometimes imagined my ex making love to me when I was copulating with another guy. Such a shame, I know but then as I was going through the just-one-night and never call me back type of sleep for a wee while, I realised that the sweet memory of him which has been trapped in my mind that seemed to take ages to forget was gradually fading. Like a poison, slowly sipping out from my veins and the antidote was, yes, it was, being the horny knight to the rescue. During that time, it was the best antidote ever, substitution of love with sex.
As the days passed, I began to lose myself again. It was not a question of missing his love anymore, it was a question of my price, dignity, pride and on top of all, self-conscious; am I aware of the repercussion sleeping around and also my passion, a dream that one day I will find my shining armour prince who loves me as much as I love him. I remembered the time when I just came out from my closet, I swore to myself that I would not be someone who has meaningless sex just for temporary pleasure and I would only sleep with the person I love.
After much self thinking as well as concerns from my best mate, I started to pick up myself. My mate, he is totally the opposite version of me. He is straight, has a very strong inclination to what he wants in life, decency priority and to him, sex is a gift, a sacred blessing from the god to human beings who are in love. Sex is not meant to be fun nor empty pleasure. He believes with true love, comes sex. Nevertheless, he respects me for who I am and never pass any judgement unless I ask so. He found it hard to understand why do I need to have sex to get love, why can’t I do love first (not making love) before sex? And what is the hurry with sex?
Is your love going to be any difference from hetero although I know that homos tend to have higher sexual tendency? Is it not worth waiting for the right one to have sex?
All these mind blowing indefinite questions point towards one direction; I was paying sex to get love and my mate, he is paying love to get his holy sacred present from god, sex.
I just wonder if any of you have ever done what I did. My advice is, DO AT YOUR OWN RISK!
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