In the middle of busy processing some stuff, out of nowhere in the café, a sudden gaze at the most current popular social networking, Yes FB, reminded me of my immediate previous ex-partner. I shall call him Mr. C, make it simple, just the guy C. Looking through the pictures of profile, words to describe are cheerful, happy and smiley all the way through. None of them even showed sorrows and tears, too hard to spot, not even a dime to see to be honest. Nevertheless, there is something inside me, telling me the chemistry is strong and the connection is like the one I have never ever had before. It’s hard to describe but for instance, the best example I could give: Déjà vu. It feels like as if I had seen him before the first meet. It was subtle. He could not even ruled out if we had ever met in the past. It doesn’t actually bother me that much but what bothers me was the connection, simple yet tender feelings to share. Frankly, he was one of those rare ones in which I did not have to feel insecure of afraid telling him the whole truth. It was embarrassed to tell one when you are landed with plenty of impeccable drama. To him, I could almost completely be opened to him. Before I tell you more of my easily to trust and fall, gullible sort of person who never change despite millions of attempts to change. He cried on the second meet, yes, tears flowing out like a river.
It’s the second day of grieving after yesterday since logging into my FB bumped into C’s fb. I asked myself, again and again what is it that he has that attracts me. Perhaps the love or the lusty one night in bed keeps holding me on. Definitely there is something inside me, can’t never ever forget him or even letting him go. There it was, I said it; the three words when somebody really wants someone desperately. The final verdict of the reply was,: “sorry and thank you for everything” reply from him. Oh gosh, everything has just fallen down I feel, tears almost out from, as always given my fragile nature. I am listening to the song, by the air supply “ making love out of nothing at all.” I did not understand at all , how can something so pure and so sweet of love can be made out of nothing at all.
There is so much I can do, for I am only a human blessed with limited capability. I could not help it checking his FB last other few days just to get a glimpse of his where-about and his doings up and down. Listening to heaven’s what I feel , the old favourite past time much sought after by the latino in late 90s. My favourite catchy phase “ I am not supposed to fall in love with you, I have someone else, someone else is in love with you”. Nevertheless, when it is over, that is the time you fall in love again, whether with the same person or another, a whole different question all together.
The bravest stunt I had pulled , the craziest one you could ever imagine. It is always the steep learning curve I have to ride, no easy way out. If I’d told you this, you most probably would have guessed the thick side of me. Yes, the pathetic hopeless romantic actions my friends once described. Somehow and some day, I will be all by myself and I do not need anyone at all. Standing firm on my feet, I do not need anyone to get me through this.
Out of despair and feeling blues, I tagged along one of my future to be housemate to a temple to get blessing. As per the local people believe the prediction is very accurate. Plenty of deities seek the advice through praying and kowtow for good luck. I decided to give it a shoot and the prediction number for my love turned to be a bad one. It’s a bad number, it says there matchmaking would be unsuccessful and the chances of my dream getting swept off by a prince charming are very slim, likely insignificant. After reading the prediction, I was absolutely speechless. I could not believe that the same prediction surfaced 10 years ago when I was 18. Yes, I could still remember it clearly. It would be very hard and extremely hard for me to find someone. Family is far from ideal, at least I thought It would have changed in 10 years time but, regardless the efforts I put in and time I invested in, It is still futile. At that moment, I wanted to give up on love. I had been trying years to find it, patience is a virtual but it has been 10 years since started looking. I never deny the fact that I was once young and playful but this exploring phase of mine only lasted for 3 years. I spend the rest of the years, equivalent to 7 years searching for the right person. Out of all the guys I had been with, none of them really appreciate the faithful side of me. Frankly, I always had to be the one standing firm in the relationship and spice things up to procreate our love together. Like anybody in this world, there is a limit as to what I could do and months go on and on until I felt so exhausted. All of they did were just laid back with the wait and see approach. I had hit my breaking point, could not stand with the pressure given to push the relationship further. I realized it takes two ways for a relationship to work. Takes two to tango.
Thinking to myself, why on earth I was the chosen one from abstaining the love from a person. Everyday, I could see people with children, living happily just a simple life as it is. Couple in love happily. All I ever wanted was the same. Simple love, to cherish one another but it seemed impossible. The more I looked for it, the harder it seemed to be. There was once, I did not believe in my destiny allocated by the god. I knew that there was no place for love for me in this world hence I lead myself to believe that I create my own destiny. I determined my own destiny. According to the popular Chinese belief, if you dabble with fire of things you do not understand and you shall get burned at the end. Given so many years of endlessly searching, trial and errors with my heart getting broken repetitively, I have to confess that it is time to believe and give up. Give in to destiny. and start planning my bachelor life.
Consequently, I gave my BFF a buzz yesterday via skype to talk me out of this silly idea of mine not having anyone in my life. Relatively speaking, his encounters were even more complicated. Well, If I pen his story here, most probably it takes lot of pages to finish them.
Feeling blues, I recently discovered a song. It is in chinese, although it is not the best language I could grasp since young, the song is captivating. It captured my heart straight off after the first listen. The name of the song is “ you exist in my life.” It describes me well in situation whereby love comes and goes. For some, love comes easily whereas for some, in my case, could it be destiny holding me off from getting the right one. Does the right guy exist in my world? Is it just a matter of time for the right guy to come along to twist my life around to a better one. If no, shall I plan to live alone by myself in this world. Optimistically, at least I have a friend who is willing to stay with me forever if I am not wed. There was a statement she made which I pondered throughout my sleepless nights. Love might betrayed you but money, it is yours if you earn it. Money will never ever betray you, if it is yours, it is yours forever if you keep them well enough. In retrospect, I used to think money is not on my priority list. However, I did ponder long enough what she said made sense…what’s your view.
Mr-wot should I do with the baby
My imagination when it comes to annoying small little people
Wednesday, 3 April 2013
money or love?
In the middle of busy processing some stuff, out of nowhere in the café, a sudden gaze at the most current popular social networking, Yes FB, reminded me of my immediate previous ex-partner. I shall call him Mr. C, make it simple, just the guy C. Looking through the pictures of profile, words to describe are cheerful, happy and smiley all the way through. None of them even showed sorrows and tears, too hard to spot, not even a dime to see to be honest. Nevertheless, there is something inside me, telling me the chemistry is strong and the connection is like the one I have never ever had before. It’s hard to describe but for instance, the best example I could give: Déjà vu. It feels like as if I had seen him before the first meet. It was subtle. He could not even ruled out if we had ever met in the past. It doesn’t actually bother me that much but what bothers me was the connection, simple yet tender feelings to share. Frankly, he was one of those rare ones in which I did not have to feel insecure of afraid telling him the whole truth. It was embarrassed to tell one when you are landed with plenty of impeccable drama. To him, I could almost completely be opened to him. Before I tell you more of my easily to trust and fall, gullible sort of person who never change despite millions of attempts to change. He cried on the second meet, yes, tears flowing out like a river.
It’s the second day of grieving after yesterday since logging into my FB bumped into C’s fb. I asked myself, again and again what is it that he has that attracts me. Perhaps the love or the lusty one night in bed keeps holding me on. Definitely there is something inside me, can’t never ever forget him or even letting him go. There it was, I said it; the three words when somebody really wants someone desperately. The final verdict of the reply was,: “sorry and thank you for everything” reply from him. Oh gosh, everything has just fallen down I feel, tears almost out from, as always given my fragile nature. I am listening to the song, by the air supply “ making love out of nothing at all.” I did not understand at all , how can something so pure and so sweet of love can be made out of nothing at all.
There is so much I can do, for I am only a human blessed with limited capability. I could not help it checking his FB last other few days just to get a glimpse of his where-about and his doings up and down. Listening to heaven’s what I feel , the old favourite past time much sought after by the latino in late 90s. My favourite catchy phase “ I am not supposed to fall in love with you, I have someone else, someone else is in love with you”. Nevertheless, when it is over, that is the time you fall in love again, whether with the same person or another, a whole different question all together.
The bravest stunt I had pulled , the craziest one you could ever imagine. It is always the steep learning curve I have to ride, no easy way out. If I’d told you this, you most probably would have guessed the thick side of me. Yes, the pathetic hopeless romantic actions my friends once described. Somehow and some day, I will be all by myself and I do not need anyone at all. Standing firm on my feet, I do not need anyone to get me through this.
Out of despair and feeling blues, I tagged along one of my future to be housemate to a temple to get blessing. As per the local people believe the prediction is very accurate. Plenty of deities seek the advice through praying and kowtow for good luck. I decided to give it a shoot and the prediction number for my love turned to be a bad one. It’s a bad number, it says there matchmaking would be unsuccessful and the chances of my dream getting swept off by a prince charming are very slim, likely insignificant. After reading the prediction, I was absolutely speechless. I could not believe that the same prediction surfaced 10 years ago when I was 18. Yes, I could still remember it clearly. It would be very hard and extremely hard for me to find someone. Family is far from ideal, at least I thought It would have changed in 10 years time but, regardless the efforts I put in and time I invested in, It is still futile. At that moment, I wanted to give up on love. I had been trying years to find it, patience is a virtual but it has been 10 years since started looking. I never deny the fact that I was once young and playful but this exploring phase of mine only lasted for 3 years. I spend the rest of the years, equivalent to 7 years searching for the right person. Out of all the guys I had been with, none of them really appreciate the faithful side of me. Frankly, I always had to be the one standing firm in the relationship and spice things up to procreate our love together. Like anybody in this world, there is a limit as to what I could do and months go on and on until I felt so exhausted. All of they did were just laid back with the wait and see approach. I had hit my breaking point, could not stand with the pressure given to push the relationship further. I realized it takes two ways for a relationship to work. Takes two to tango.
Thinking to myself, why on earth I was the chosen one from abstaining the love from a person. Everyday, I could see people with children, living happily just a simple life as it is. Couple in love happily. All I ever wanted was the same. Simple love, to cherish one another but it seemed impossible. The more I looked for it, the harder it seemed to be. There was once, I did not believe in my destiny allocated by the god. I knew that there was no place for love for me in this world hence I lead myself to believe that I create my own destiny. I determined my own destiny. According to the popular Chinese belief, if you dabble with fire of things you do not understand and you shall get burned at the end. Given so many years of endlessly searching, trial and errors with my heart getting broken repetitively, I have to confess that it is time to believe and give up. Give in to destiny. and start planning my bachelor life.
Consequently, I gave my BFF a buzz yesterday via skype to talk me out of this silly idea of mine not having anyone in my life. Relatively speaking, his encounters were even more complicated. Well, If I pen his story here, most probably it takes lot of pages to finish them.
Feeling blues, I recently discovered a song. It is in chinese, although it is not the best language I could grasp since young, the song is captivating. It captured my heart straight off after the first listen. The name of the song is “ you exist in my life.” It describes me well in situation whereby love comes and goes. For some, love comes easily whereas for some, in my case, could it be destiny holding me off from getting the right one. Does the right guy exist in my world? Is it just a matter of time for the right guy to come along to twist my life around to a better one. If no, shall I plan to live alone by myself in this world. Optimistically, at least I have a friend who is willing to stay with me forever if I am not wed. There was a statement she made which I pondered throughout my sleepless nights. Love might betrayed you but money, it is yours if you earn it. Money will never ever betray you, if it is yours, it is yours forever if you keep them well enough. In retrospect, I used to think money is not on my priority list. However, I did ponder long enough what she said made sense…what’s your view.
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