PeKaBoo! SweETieS

Colourful sweeties!

Just as I was nosy making small talks with a few of the receptionists at the front desk, an old man came in to the General practice to drop his "number 2" sample for laboratory evaluation. Next to the drop off sample box, there was a wee basket fulled of colourful miniature attractive wee packets of latex sac used mostly by adults to either avoid pregnancy or nasty gonorrhoea. The old man got intrigued and extended his arms grabbing a few of them, caught my glance and the conversation goes like this:

Old man: Is it free?(smiley face)

Me: Yes,absoultely free. Free from burning sores as well.(replying in a jokingly manner)

Old man: Burning sores?(muddled face)

Me: Although it's not 100% protective, but it still has small percentage of infection risk.(speaking professionally from medical point of view to avoid embarassment)

old man: wot..? (paused a little, put on his glasses hanging from the neck and on closed inpsection) oh jesus..(eyes wide open with surprise)I thought they were sweeties.
He quickly chucked them out from his hands back to the basket.

Me:(my eyes watching in terror as he threw them back..oh gosh..I have to say something to break the weird situation).No it's not but they do have different flavors to suit your taste. (oh jesus christ...where the hell did it come out from >.<)

Old man: HAHAHAHA..That's a good one young man( blink his eyes)

Me: Hehehe(^_^ giggling)

The receptionists bursted into laughters just as the old man had gone out and guess what the gals told me, he was a priest..yes...a retired priest. Holly molly..I have just created a sin making adult jokes with a priest!Can't blame him entirely given a varitey of colors, flavors and designs of condoms available these days. ^_^
The lesson of the story is..watch what you're grabbing..^_^ and always PeekAboo.

BEcaReFuL wHo YoU pOke?

This is the weirdest sex I have ever had in my life. It’s always the bottom who gets poke by your partner’s family jewel. I had a different poking instrument last 2 weeks ago. This guy, who is a wild masculine top, tall and a little hairy ( my fetish of pulling hair during sex helps spice up my wild side in the bed for extra exciting enjoyment ^_^) somehow had his way seducing me to the bed to unleash my suppressed wild side hidden in my work place. I shall call him sexy beastie ^_^ wild and roar like a beast yet sexy at the same time. The scenario goes like this in the middle of making out in his bed (missionary position ^_^):

Sexy beastie: emmm..mikey..wanna try something else?
Me: yeah, why not? (nodding my head enthusiastically)
Sexy beastie: here comes the excitement (fingering me with his god knows how many fingers)
Me: whoah… go slow boy…what the heck is that? (a little confused as it was different from his family jewel feel and size)
Sexy beastie: something much better than my personal private instrument…feel good?
Me: ouch…(screaming out loud and grabbing myself while back arching as he went deeper with his new idea)…what the F***? So bloody sore man..
Sexy beastie: (keep doing although watching my distressed yet enjoyable face) ..like it?
Me: emm…a wee bit too hard..(my family jewel back to the state before it got alive). Are you sure you are doing it the way you are supposed to do it?
Sexy beastie: relax….take it easy…( second fingering…)
Me: S**T…( shaking my head annoyingly)
Sexy beastie: Oppsss…Mikey sorry…forgot to use something…( stop immediately and pull the drawer next to the bed)
Me: What the hell is that? ( I was as puzzled as you are wondering what he forgot at times like this)
Sexy beastie: eh, lube. I forgot to rub with lube…( in a apologetic way )
Me: No wonder…so bloody painful.
Sexy beastie: But you look so bloody sexy when you screamed with joy..HAHA. (trying to buy me back for his game and crack jokes to ease the situation a wee while before proceeding. Nice try Mister..I bought it ^_^)

Hells bells…My ass hells broke loose thanks to his forgetting to put on lube before fingering. My bottom sores for at least one week and I am still counting now. Much to my surprise, he commented my grimace at that moment stimulated his family poking instrument even more…^_^.

Opps I did it again!

Dear Life,

I am such a Lucifer. Always on the flirt and hunt for some new fresh faces…especially innocent cute young guy who I can’t resist sending signal in a very seductive way. Just this afternoon, when I was stretching yoga as usual in the gym on the floor mat, I accidentally spotted a young lad with prominent gorgeous masculine facial contour and hazel sparkling eyes on his face. My eyes met him and his eyes as well and I just kept starring at him like I have never seen a sky before while still on the ear phone listening to 90s. He smirked at me and I was like “here come the brownie point after much hard work of admiring his figure”. I starred back at his smiley angel face of course with a smile that I want him so badly…^_^. I could sense he wanted to break the ice but guess what…I was still on my ear phones with music out loud blast. He would have noticed that because I was singing to myself in soft voice while running my favourite music. Bottom line is, he was going to break the ice but thanks to my naïve moron ignorance of not having the courtesy to off my ear phones L. Well, as expected, he went off and I was so devastated with myself for not taking off the earphones and listened to what he had to flirt…^_^. That was so close yet so far to get into his heart. I blew up another chance again, a pathetic offer from the god for giving me such a cute, sexy eyebrow, athlete’s figure lad in my life.

In fact this is not first time. I had a similar encounter with same stupid mistakes and often tell myself not to repeat it again but my mind is just not listening to the signals sent out by those hotties when my precious little IPOD starts playing my favourite music. Too late too regret, once these hotties are gone, they are gone. Not a chance to meet them anymore in the gym. It’s like either all or none law.

BEREAVEMENT

Dear Life,

It's the second day since the tragic death of my beloved maternal grandma. Nothing has changed, I mean my feelings. Bereavement stage is supposed to be kicking in now but am I really in? I have no idea whether I am in the middle of grieving the lost for I feel that I did not feel as sad I am supposed to be. People always talk about the stages of bereavement and how one has to encounter enormous emotions and phase before actually accepting the fact that something which has gone is gone, forever eternity. What seemed to be missing is what precedes bereavement? What signs may indicate a person will be going to the first stage of bereavement or starting to feel the grief? No one knows. The answer is murky, no clear cut as to what point to bereavement.

If only I know when will I bereave, I would have not twisted my own mind over and over again asking myself when is the right time for me to do so.

Hopefully, (again have to be optimistic although I don't seriously 100% feel so) the answer will resurface soon.

ILL-THRIVEN CRISIS

Dear Life,

I can't believe it's time to write again despite all my efforts trying to keep myself off from the blog, taking my mind off unseen unfortunate events that keep landing on me. Yes, like a drama, eventful series unfolding one by one and blues creeping out one by one. I don't even know where and how to begin my story.

Just one hour ago, I received the most shocking news ever this year, my beloved grandma passed away. Not a natural death, a tragic death from neglected late stroke diagnosis. Guess what is more tragic...I din even get the chance to see her one last time before she got burial. There isn't a word I can think of at the moment to describe how should I be feeling and what am I supposed to do....there isn't even any suggestion of what can i do to make things better among everyone who grieves the lost. Nothing but numbness and dismay drowning me myself in the room alone...time to cry again? No...I have cried way too much just before this new year for things that did not work out and much to my promise that i will pull myself together for this new year...time to rant again? No....I have been rattling non stop bargaining my state of life with god given the financial crisis as well as personal crisis that somehow never stop landing on me....is it time to be sombre and down myself a little? no again as emptiness and sadness are not new to me anymore since the biggest turmoil failure in my life happened much to my horror surprise. All I am saying is.....these things that make us feel inferior to ourselves and keeping us away from our comfort zone numb me. You must be thinking...such a insensitive prick I am with no feelings or emotions that a normal person should have reacted on receiving unexpected nightmares news. Truth is....after a repetitive cycle of despair hit you over and over again...you lose yourself on the road. It's like hands on the wheel in a car, you keep spinning with no sense of where-about you want to go but your conscious mind tells you to keep doing it, don't care where you are heading...don't care where are you..don't care bout the traffic. Just keep doing what you are doing. It's like a zombie...physically intact with out of your mind.

Honestly speaking, I wish i can be as insensitive too all these as i wish to be but in reality, I am a super sensitive big weeper, always stranded emotionally with bad news, turmoils, tragic death, failures and hopeless grades. When is this gonna end? When is this gonna change? Be optimistic about the future? easier said than done when you don't see it happening. Do something bout it instead of grumbling? Yes..I have done all I can within my limit capacity but still...nothing has changed. What more else can i do? Pray to god and meditate? Yes..I have done that but things got worse and I am so afraid that i would lose faith in the religion that i always believe in. What else can I do? Talking to people bout my problems....yes tried that...been a joy killer before in many times in many ways. Retail therapy? never try that but it is reserved for those born with golden spoon in their mouth blessed with unlimited credit card quota. Treasure my life as life is too short...nothing much for me to treasure except thanking the basic needs I have and there wont be any treasure left after my last breath. Just so what more can I do? alcohol or smoking? typical solutions to get rid of problems but also the "gateway" to drugs and addiction but i never have the guts to do that...too chicken and too enlightened by the harmful consequences. Antidepressant? I never touch medications unless my health deteriorates bad enough for ventilator's machine. The last resort....as anyone could have guessed is taking your own life to end it once and for all. Does it sound like a selfish act....no concerns over ppl who care about your life. The truth again, I cant afford to die as I still have many unresolved business, monetary and non-monetary loans to give back, responsibility I promised and on top of that, to the people who give my life.

Do all these problems; achievement failure, personal life crisis, stunted finance, tragic death, disappointments, upsetting those who are close and matters you the most..considered as a single source of stress? Can you tie all these into one single stress as such you wont have to deal each of of them but just one? Wouldn't it be easier to deal with one rather than more than just one?

All I know right now, I am so knackered coping with all these disasters which apparently never know when is the full stop. Perhaps coping isn't the right word....as no measures yet that I could use to cope...tumbling down may be the better words.

WHAT IS THE PRICE OF LOVE?

If love were standing in front of me and asked me "what are you prepared to give me?" I don't know what I would say, perhaps I'd ask "what have I done to you and why did you spin my head around like that?" then, I will shake the love thoughts till they gets whirled around like a hurricane storm in a glass of water। Maybe I am naïve। Maybe hope dies last. Although my heart is lying pieces on the ground right now and other people are jigging the samba on it. I can feel that in the end love will give me a chance. It's just that it's hard not to lose faith. Especially when love stabs you in the back, you will have doubts. Because love also hurts. But it is still the greatest of all feelings. We give everything for love…really everything? Is that too high for the price to pay? Would you be prepared to pay for love with our own lives? If you are destined to each other, the world can end but at least you are not alone. It's better to drown together than to burn alone. Love burns but maybe that is only true when your love is not big enough. Maybe sometimes, you believe in the love of your life even though they are not the one. I wish I could get my courage back to leave the past behind me. With renewed strength and without old wounds. That is why I let my soul write these words. Someday I will courageously laugh in the face of my fate.

ROOM TO MOVE ABOUT?

Freedom bound disease.

Arthritis, a disease with a broad range of chronic disorders characterized by idiopathic origins affecting primarily the joint has a huge impact on one's life. For example, the case of an 85-year-old married woman, who used to be outgoing in her early 40, has had an unexpected turnover in her life after diagnosing with rheumatoid arthritis. For the past 40 years, she had struggled to cope with the changes in her life. Although the disease had been with her for almost 4 decades, she is still adjusting.

Her life began to take its toll when she noticed redness on both her hands followed by the stiffness of the joints in the morning prior to the rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis. The lost of her gripping power was the first physical limitation manifested and it progressively became worst when her arms were too painful to lift up. In addition to that, failure to move her fingers intricately compromised her favorite job of sewing. Consequently, she quit not only the job but also her hobby of teaching people to sew. After a few years downing with the burden, restriction of walking distance started to build up as swelling on her knee joints made her tender on getting from one place to another even in the vicinity of her room. From squatting to sitting in the toilet and walking to sitting more often had been slowly replacing her normal daily routine. Besides, sometimes imbalance came out of nowhere and it was hard for her to make a turn.

Having all these functional physical loss, she withdrew from the active participation such as letting go of her post in women's institution and absent for any of the launched organization. A drastic change swept through her social life from once being an extrovert to an introvert state. Fortunately, she had two supportive and caring sons living with her. In terms of her marriage, it was not fruitful as her husband passed away a few years after she came down with the arthritis but she inherited a big fortune from the husband's will. As a result, her financial wise was not an obstacle to her living although she was unemployed.

As the disease progressed, the rheumatic nodules deposition on the elbow and joints between the phalanges became more apparent. She claimed to have cosmetic problems in dressing herself up for any social events and found it emotionally hard being a "different" person. However, she did overcome the turmoil of accepting it with the assistance of the family members' support. In fact, the love from her children was enough to pull her strength back in dealing with the obstacles.

With the advancing of her diseased state, her dosage immune modulation medications advanced up as well. She experienced poor wound healing, easy bruising on her skin with just a minor scratch and dry eyes. As a part of the therapy regimen, she had had her blood withdrawn out every 4 weeks and it was dreadful getting needles mark on the arms.

After going through all these years, she was glad to have her sons to be there when she needs them. Finally, she hoped that one day someone would come out with a cure for rheumatoid arthritis to ease the sufferings of having it.

After all, it's a scary disease to have.