The PrIcE To Pay

As I am writing this piece, in the train sipping cappuccino, my favourite coffee of all time, I was thinking about the new room, new place, new people and of course, the new hotties in town where I move. Aberdeen, the third biggest town after Edinburgh and Glasgow, is the next spot for me to find prince charming and secure a higher wages. As exciting as I was about to meet the new landlady for the new room, I decided to show her my wild side, the boisterous laughter with cheerful movement, not a seconds without a warmth smile, trying to build rapport as usual on the first meet. Much to my dismay, her eyes were as dull and as gloomy as the owl, sleepless night dark circle with heavy puffy eye bags. My instinct, the first impression tips which I learnt from psychiatrist, the big ‘D’ word, not unusual in developed country, UK, Depression. They say, in such a place full of grey granite building, gloomy weather, not much of sun tanned opportunity especially during winter where most of the rich people travel just to get sunshine, depression is the face you will see every day and everywhere. Anyway, as I was checking out the room, to my horror, the room was utterly in a mess. Mountain of dusts, stuffy smells and the current occupier who is about to move was there, sleeping in the bed under such poor hygiene circumstances with putrid scents of his. My first thought, dilemma. The room itself has a poor outlines, designs were absolute out of place and cleanliness scale immeasurable. The most lucrative deal is the distance. It is just half a mile from my work place, saves me lots of trouble from going to and fro and also the travel fees. There are two things to juggle here, distance and quality. Having thought for a at least 24 hours before moving in, I asked myself; should I find another room or alter the quality knowing that I could not really do much for the distance issue? Altering the quality, this takes half a day of massive sweeps, decluttering, changing the scent from yuckie to goodie and decorating my niche. Am I willing to pay to go through the hell bells of tidying? Answer is yes, I have finally decided to stay for good. ^_^.

DO WE PAY LOVE FOR SEX OR SEX FOR LOVE?

Have you ever come across people telling you or eavesdropping to a conversation that gays think of sex every less than 10 minutes? Or when a guy cheats you, you are sombrely in despair and your straight best friends solaced by saying

“I am so sorry, Honey. But gays can hardly be faithful. The good looking ones, it is easier to get them to bed than to your heart.”

Well, truth to be told, that was the consolation advice I got after despondency disintegration of my I-LOVE-YOU relationship for months. Needless to mention, the dramatic crying episodes I had gone through missing his love, touch and every sense of his smell he left me to linger hopelessly in bed. In fact, I took longer to recuperate than I used to in the past.


The first immediate action I pulled was to find love again, the quicker the better. My way, was a HORNY-SAVIOUR at nights. It is not hard to be the new saviour every night when you are young and lean. Plenty of wolves howl for bottoms just before the midnight sets in, everyday. At the beginning of this new temporary love seeking job, literary known to rescue rapes, the sexual pleasure was there and more over when the guy complimented your beauty, the sense of feeling appreciated, sense of belonging and knowing that someone likes you, make you feel valuable thinking that it was your ex-bf’s lost ditching you.


To add on, I sometimes imagined my ex making love to me when I was copulating with another guy. Such a shame, I know but then as I was going through the just-one-night and never call me back type of sleep for a wee while, I realised that the sweet memory of him which has been trapped in my mind that seemed to take ages to forget was gradually fading. Like a poison, slowly sipping out from my veins and the antidote was, yes, it was, being the horny knight to the rescue. During that time, it was the best antidote ever, substitution of love with sex.


As the days passed, I began to lose myself again. It was not a question of missing his love anymore, it was a question of my price, dignity, pride and on top of all, self-conscious; am I aware of the repercussion sleeping around and also my passion, a dream that one day I will find my shining armour prince who loves me as much as I love him. I remembered the time when I just came out from my closet, I swore to myself that I would not be someone who has meaningless sex just for temporary pleasure and I would only sleep with the person I love.


After much self thinking as well as concerns from my best mate, I started to pick up myself. My mate, he is totally the opposite version of me. He is straight, has a very strong inclination to what he wants in life, decency priority and to him, sex is a gift, a sacred blessing from the god to human beings who are in love. Sex is not meant to be fun nor empty pleasure. He believes with true love, comes sex. Nevertheless, he respects me for who I am and never pass any judgement unless I ask so. He found it hard to understand why do I need to have sex to get love, why can’t I do love first (not making love) before sex? And what is the hurry with sex?

Is your love going to be any difference from hetero although I know that homos tend to have higher sexual tendency? Is it not worth waiting for the right one to have sex?

All these mind blowing indefinite questions point towards one direction; I was paying sex to get love and my mate, he is paying love to get his holy sacred present from god, sex.


I just wonder if any of you have ever done what I did. My advice is, DO AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Sex Or No SEX?

What is your choice? Sex or No Sex?

In this 21st century, having a good pay job, a warmth comfy niche you call your own, great pals, delicious food and booze are the basic needs a guy striving to have before he screams ‘I HAVE IT ALL, PEOPLE!’. To me, one thing is missing, SEX!

Whether you are having sex with your partner or randomly on casual Never-Phone-Back weekends’ nights, it is your choice. Some choose not to have sex until after ‘Till Death do Us Part’ acknowledgement, as the holy people preach, no pre-marital sex. Does it really matter whether to have sex or not before you tie the knot clutching his heart to yours forever? Being nosy as I am, I pulled all my network strings; online pals, dates, ONS guys, friends and closed mates( straight and gays) to open the Pandora question; would you have sex before or only after shovelling up the engagement ring into your finger?

These are the feedbacks I have got so far after weeks of butting in peoples’ sex life from various social networks (after consent of course ^_^);

“I slept with my closed gay guy friend and topped him over the moon but I did not do it with my girl although I was sleeping next to her.”

The reason, confused sexual orientation.

“It is not decent to sleep with a girl before publically announced indirectly to the world in the wedding that I will take her virginity away tonight after the booze cocktail party,”

Coming out from a conservative guy who has devoted all his life to god and plus, he only wants to marry a decent down to earth virgin girl.

“Sex is not without its consequences, think twice before you sleep. Pain is one of them and yesterday, that was my first anal sex and it was not without unforgettable pain. You can forget your marriage if you develop anal sex phobia”.

First gay timer is always the first new to feel ^_^.

“It is entirely up to my future partner. I don’t want to screw up our love just for a brief moment of pleasure due to lust. Forcing will never ever work.”

This came from a guy who had been working his ass off to get the guy whom he believed has fallen in love with for months until now but still need to fuel up more oil just to get his attention. Good luck to you, pal.

“I believe in sex after marriage, a union of love between me and my husband and I don’t sleep around. Only with my husband shall I reserve my bed for”.

A virgin girl as pure as virgin mother Mary who grew up reading Eternal-Happiness high self esteem books proudly reserved her bed for her Mr. Right.

“In gays, having sex helps you to know if the sex is right or feels right before marrying him otherwise you will be sorry for a pre-nuptial assignment. Sex in gays resembles children in heterosexual couples, which is believed to keep homosexual couples together as forever as possible.”

Now, this came from one of my ONS casuals who usually sleep on the first date and of course, I only popped out the question after sleeping with this yummy delicious guy ^_^.

“It is a difficult decision to make. My answer to your question is; is it going to make a difference sleeping before or only after marriage? It is just sex anyway.”

This is kind of a rhetorical answer with no right or wrong way of doing things coming out from a lawyer would be in the future. Political? Definitely ^_^.

“Err..Sex! I don’t know, with humans or animals?"

Holly Molly, how did he get into my MSN network, I absolutely have no clues.


There were other answers, some explicit whereas some with broken points deviated away from my key question. Those 8 responses above are the closest of all.
As you can see, a wide variety of opinions from all walks of life think according to their beliefs while some, do not think it is an issue. It is your choice to sleep or not to sleep. I guess it answers the question, IT IS YOUR CHOICE!


Nevertheless, another question popped into my mind just after finished writing the previous paragraph, assuming that you truly love a person; DO YOU MARRY FOR SEX OR DO YOU HAVE SEX TO GET MARRIED?

BaRebaCK?

Does it worth having bareback?

No protection, no lube and plus no time waste on putting on the rubber tubes which some guys experience allergic itch after putting them. Definitely, the excitement is there, friction makes you feel good and give you a sense of reward in return. No hassle, just get on with your family jewel and drive you high up like a rocket straight to the moon. Isn’t it wonderful to feel over the moon, especially when making love with the person you truly love or just for the love of doing it? They say, everything comes with a price. There is nothing free in this world, including condom of course. The price to pay for sex is huge, one often over sees it. Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea and thrush, don’t they sound familiar in the flyers, posters and telly everywhere around the world. These are the presents or perhaps the price you pay for after sex enjoyment if you don’t pay enough attention to the importance of rubber tubes. The most devastating nasty bug in which the scientists researcher rolled millions of efforts, money and time on discovering the one magical cure to no avail, like antibiotics to wipe off the bacteria, is nothing new to us, HIV. Unfortunately, it is not a bacteria therefore antibiotics are futile in treating individuals who are infected with this never ending self-replicating smart virus.


As for me, I personally experienced bareback, and I really have to admit that it was wonderful, a whole different sexual pleasure when it comes to NOT using rubber tubes. The ride resembles roller coaster, thrusting up and down erotically high. It was a life time of experience and it will be my only first and last one. As wonderful as it may sound, post-sex feelings are wonderfully challenged in your mental, popping with the gold question; do I have HIV? After my new sexual encounter, bareback for the first time in my life, I began to behave like what other people typically behave, should I go for the test? Can I take results? I remembered vividly, when I was waiting for the results anxiously, restlessly with my cap on, trying to shield from others who might see me longing for the results and I was hoping and praying hard no more second time. Meanwhile I was bargaining with the god for the result, more to like making a pact with the god; If I were negative, I will never ever do it again, never in my life. Out of pathetic and sheer dumb of ignorance for having sex without protection, god has finally forgiven me with a blessing of negative result. That was a huge relief and I should say that, it was much better than sex in the state of knowing your health is fully secured and within your control.


My advice is, there are two ways to see things in life after doing something you regret doing it. Insecure feelings tend to engulf when you are out from your comfort zone. To retrieve back the comfort zone you once stepped out that you swear you should have never taken, involves lots of courage, mentality power or stability and also the will power to go back to square one. However, the reward, after splurging yourself with tonnes of efforts just to be back in your zone, is worthlessly lucrative. There is no money you can buy such reward. Armed with courage going through the test and knowing the results negative are ludicrously heaven. For others, stepping out from one’s zone simply means taking a new step, risking for the reward you desperately want, you reap what you sow.



Meanwhile, back to the cornerstone of the topic,I slept with a guy (protected sex) who was in his 40s and has had un-protective sex for many times despite the awareness of the risks. Besides, he had threesome when he was young without protection. In spite of so many risky occasions he had, he was negative and took the test more often than a child going for a merry go round. I can’t help but wonder, did it not occur to him that one day; he will pay for his action? I asked him and he just slammed me off by saying ‘you don’t understand the top guy’s feelings having a rubber tube covered up inside you and vice versa’. Well, there is one thing I understand, apart from receiving guilty pleasure from your awesome ‘bare’ gifts, one will also receive the emotional turmoil and can barely go through the big “H” test. To add on, he protested, you only live life once and it is just a matter of time you date “Jack the Ripper”, so live your life.

Is life too short for us not to have such guilty pleasure or are you willing to have a short life for the guilty pleasure?

Rescue or to be rescued?

Big massive wave

It’s over, after a couple of months affectionate love and pampering his needs, more than just sexual needs and he finally pulled the plug to call it off. Let’s call him Mr. P. It was wonderful for the first few weeks and I was all over the heel for him, his passion, honesty and cute smiley blue eyes blinded me to fall for him in just weeks. As usual, we had sex not long after the 1st date and there was nothing I could complain, not even a nick of tiny trivial stuff that I usually picked on casual sex. The moment I stepped on to meet his parents, to gain acceptance in his life and he started to freak out. He din even speak a word to negotiate or even reason logically. Instead of rationing, he stopped talking to me and sent me an email of his anger and frustations over my inconsiderate childish suggestion to stay over in his house for summers to build rapport with his parents. The truth is, I don’t really mind if he refused to permit me to meet his parents although he is out to his parents. What hurts me the most was the way he said things in his email which was ‘you may think I am a self-fish bastard, you can just forget me if you dun like me’. This is a powerful statement leaving to me to linger with sleepless days of clueless thoughts with the hope he would retract back these words. Sadly, he did not take back his words but he did apologise for things did not really work out between us and babbled with the same convincing break up words such as ‘you are handsome,,,cute..you deserve someone better than me’… of course, I was badly devastated after reading.



A few days after the big wave landed on me, one of my gfs and I were speaking about her mum trying to set her up with a date. The problem is, my gf shows no absolute interest at all. She wants to be single for the rest of her life, she doesn’t want or need to share her life with someone else, especially watching telly. She prefer to have her own space and freedom to control her telly, That way, it gives her the power to control her favourite channel, her life and her own hobby. Isn’t that a little self-fish, having things on your own, all by yourself without sharing. She did not grow up reading the happy ever after story book and she doesn’t have a clue enough to believe it. I , on the other hand, grew up with cherish thoughts that one day, my white horse shining armour knight will set me free and rescue me from the loneliness empty prison. Wait, hold it there, did I just mention the word rescue.



Are all of us waiting to be rescued or getting ready to rescue?

Relationship?

What keeps the relationship in gay couple going?

I was strolling the chat-room the other day and I encountered a guy, who is in his 30s and engaged to a partner for 10 years. Yes, they have been together for 10 years, doing things together, eating together and fooling around with another together, sometimes with a third party. Yes, I believed the word is threesome. Then it crossed my mind that, is there a monogamy in homo relationship? Even if it does not exist in the dictionary of two guys living happily ever after, does it really matter? The guy whom I mentioned was online looking for someone for threesome, of course with his partner’s knowledge. Doesn’t it feel like cheating sleeping with another guy intentionally? But wait, cheating is the word reserved for those who sleep without consent from the other partner. In his defence, he obtained full consent from his partner and both of them indulge the threesome sex together. This leads me to think, well, it is not that impossible to have a family with children in homo relationship although it comes with strict rules and regulations. The person who authorised the adoption make it hard on purpose for gay couples in looking for adoption as they want to ensure that the child has a proper good healthy environment to grow. But then again, comes back to the question, how many of us are ready to take full responsibility looking after the children welfare. Without children, can sex over take the key that maintain the relationship like in heterosexual relationships do? If yes, how long?

A few days after writing this piece, I bumped into one of my old friends online. His name is Mr. A, he is one of the hot pies in his 40s and he is attached to a guy for nearly 7 years and still counting. I then asked what he thinks about homo- relationship. So the conversation started to flow and he eventually spilled out the beans that he wasn’t actually ready or prepared to commit to anyone although he is now. The reason is simply freedom. He wants to do things on his own , free from permission and also from putting his needs before his partner. His motto passion in life is Freeway, feel free to express his ways of life without soliciting anyone, including his family. However, both of them are living together under one roof pending on commitment. Doesn’t it mean that when two guys stay together in the same room for quite a long while signifies something more than just hook up, in his case, 7 years of same sex with the same person. He denies being in a relationship and still think they are both under trial period for relationship. So it means staying together without commitment.


Do you actually live in a relationship based on mutual understanding prior to commitment or based on love commitment?

WhAT's nEXT AfteR the ' Yes I DO..to Be your bF but Not MARriAge'

They say, it is hard to find someone who is truly and brave enough to commit a strong solid relationship, the kind of happy ever after just you and me no ogling or fantasizing other guy type of relationship. This is especially true in homosexual relationship..it is pronounced as Ho.Moh..SEX..you.all . Yes, it is the word SEX that holds us back from the ‘I do, you’re the only one in my life ‘. I was in the conversation with a bisexual guy who thinks that the chances of two guys living together are slimmer than the tree branch ( I strongly disagree with what he said..but he is a pig head..and one day..wishfully I can prove him wrong ^_^) and on the other hand, heterosexual couples have higher chances of living together as his argument was that having a family with children hold the couples strong together but not in homo couple. However, I debated (really feel the need to defence us, the ‘community’ although I am not a pro gay activist) that in this new millennium, adoption is permissible and legal in some place and the lack of children problem that hold two people together is resolved then. Then, he popped out another question, ‘how many gay guys want to adopt children, maybe those trashies couple at the bottom of the market (those guys who are not fortunate enough to be considered as attractive in gays community) but not the hottie pies, they know nothing about raising and adopting children, they are too self centred for themselves for sex and out of how many gay guys in the street rather have children than having sex with hot tushies?’. In my defence, I argued that not everyone wants hot guys just for sex, some want to share their life with and have a family and not all hot guys are brainless..at least not me ^_^. Whatever it is, what he said has left me to ponder this question, what is left after yes I do, be it for sex with just us two or for abstinence from sleeping with other hot guys. What is going to happen next? How do you salvage your relationship once the sexual passion for one another has run out? Love maybe the answer, but again what is love? More and more questions coursing through my veins as to answer that question. To be honest, I haven’t been in love before...maybe love did show up but I did not realise it. Can we, just have sex with the same person for the rest of our lives to show commitment for love?