SEX sYnCoPe!

Just before moving to a new place, one of my dates wanted to send me off a goodbye memorabilia before I leave. No, it was neither a gift nor an object of affection, it was his near collapsed experience. What happened was that night, which was supposed to be memorable love making in bed turned out to be an almost emergency catastrophe. So let’s recap from the start (I shall call him SBE;SEXY BLUE EYES) in the bed:

SBE: I want to be inside you, with your legs opened up hanging in the air..( I should stop typing...it was a sex talk, he was a dirty talker in bed ^_^).

Me: Yes, give me whatever you have.

A few minutes later while we were still in the missionary position, his face flushed, eyes rolling and the thrusting force had changed from fast to slow pace. I sensed he was not right, I withdrew myself out immediately and put him flat on his back.

Me: Are you allright? Too knackered?

SBE: I am..( long pause..before saying) OK....just feel very hot..sweaty and dizzy.

Me: Err..I will open the window to let some air in. (I was praying hard please do not faint or collapse in my bedroom otherwise I might need to call up). Feeling better now? (I fanned him..holly molly..sex had got to stop I was thinking)

SBE: yeah..a wee bit. I was feeling so damn hot when we were doing it and it almost took over me.

Me: The sex was too hot I guess..^_^..better stop it now otherwise, it costs you your life.

SBE: But..I haven’t..

ME: (I put my hands covering his mouth)..that is ok, we will see each other next time again when I am free to come down. ( better off no next time, I don’t want my name to appear in his death certificate ^_^) .

That was his gift to me, remarkable impression ^_^ and new vocabulary, sex syncope. For the first time in my life, sex was too hot to handle or could it be, too hot to handle sex. LOL.

Deep ThROat Too dEEp

I was down with sore throat for days feeling knackered over the weekends and almost ended up in hospital for intravenous antibiotics. I had it the next day after my sustained unfathomable deep throat experience with one of my dates. The feelings that night, was awesomely indescribable, like in heaven sipping delicious rum cocktail. I realised that the sexual groaning and moaning seemed to be louder the deeper you go. That puts a twist into your sex life, a sign of highly satisfied unforgettable life time sexual contact or encounter. It might be your first and last. Peak orgasms at the end of course but it takes longer than usual sex after you started off kissing, as the guy kept wanting and asking more, like a temporary drug addiction ‘ I will give you everything as long as you give me more’ desire. Disaster hit me the next morning, throat ticklish heralded the storm. My throat was killing me, I could not speak, barely eat and kept wishing my suffering would end, willing to trade my life for it to end the illness stage. A sense of impending doom, beginning to look for mistakes to reflect, could it have better off handled it that way instead of this way? Firing up myself with tonnes of questions, rhetorical of course, why me again dear god? It then strike me, risky behaviour exercise, the shenanigan I had that night. Tears trickled down my nose as I beg for forgiveness with remorse. I was too ill to seek medical help on my own so my mates lifted me up to get antibiotics prescription. I went through hell over the weekends while waiting for the symptoms to resolve. The antibiotics effects only started to kick in after two days. I swore and cursed its slow effect, more importantly, the culprit of all this mayhem, deep throat. So guys out there, please consider serious painful throat nasty bugs risk before putting your mouth deep inside.

The PrIcE To Pay

As I am writing this piece, in the train sipping cappuccino, my favourite coffee of all time, I was thinking about the new room, new place, new people and of course, the new hotties in town where I move. Aberdeen, the third biggest town after Edinburgh and Glasgow, is the next spot for me to find prince charming and secure a higher wages. As exciting as I was about to meet the new landlady for the new room, I decided to show her my wild side, the boisterous laughter with cheerful movement, not a seconds without a warmth smile, trying to build rapport as usual on the first meet. Much to my dismay, her eyes were as dull and as gloomy as the owl, sleepless night dark circle with heavy puffy eye bags. My instinct, the first impression tips which I learnt from psychiatrist, the big ‘D’ word, not unusual in developed country, UK, Depression. They say, in such a place full of grey granite building, gloomy weather, not much of sun tanned opportunity especially during winter where most of the rich people travel just to get sunshine, depression is the face you will see every day and everywhere. Anyway, as I was checking out the room, to my horror, the room was utterly in a mess. Mountain of dusts, stuffy smells and the current occupier who is about to move was there, sleeping in the bed under such poor hygiene circumstances with putrid scents of his. My first thought, dilemma. The room itself has a poor outlines, designs were absolute out of place and cleanliness scale immeasurable. The most lucrative deal is the distance. It is just half a mile from my work place, saves me lots of trouble from going to and fro and also the travel fees. There are two things to juggle here, distance and quality. Having thought for a at least 24 hours before moving in, I asked myself; should I find another room or alter the quality knowing that I could not really do much for the distance issue? Altering the quality, this takes half a day of massive sweeps, decluttering, changing the scent from yuckie to goodie and decorating my niche. Am I willing to pay to go through the hell bells of tidying? Answer is yes, I have finally decided to stay for good. ^_^.

DO WE PAY LOVE FOR SEX OR SEX FOR LOVE?

Have you ever come across people telling you or eavesdropping to a conversation that gays think of sex every less than 10 minutes? Or when a guy cheats you, you are sombrely in despair and your straight best friends solaced by saying

“I am so sorry, Honey. But gays can hardly be faithful. The good looking ones, it is easier to get them to bed than to your heart.”

Well, truth to be told, that was the consolation advice I got after despondency disintegration of my I-LOVE-YOU relationship for months. Needless to mention, the dramatic crying episodes I had gone through missing his love, touch and every sense of his smell he left me to linger hopelessly in bed. In fact, I took longer to recuperate than I used to in the past.


The first immediate action I pulled was to find love again, the quicker the better. My way, was a HORNY-SAVIOUR at nights. It is not hard to be the new saviour every night when you are young and lean. Plenty of wolves howl for bottoms just before the midnight sets in, everyday. At the beginning of this new temporary love seeking job, literary known to rescue rapes, the sexual pleasure was there and more over when the guy complimented your beauty, the sense of feeling appreciated, sense of belonging and knowing that someone likes you, make you feel valuable thinking that it was your ex-bf’s lost ditching you.


To add on, I sometimes imagined my ex making love to me when I was copulating with another guy. Such a shame, I know but then as I was going through the just-one-night and never call me back type of sleep for a wee while, I realised that the sweet memory of him which has been trapped in my mind that seemed to take ages to forget was gradually fading. Like a poison, slowly sipping out from my veins and the antidote was, yes, it was, being the horny knight to the rescue. During that time, it was the best antidote ever, substitution of love with sex.


As the days passed, I began to lose myself again. It was not a question of missing his love anymore, it was a question of my price, dignity, pride and on top of all, self-conscious; am I aware of the repercussion sleeping around and also my passion, a dream that one day I will find my shining armour prince who loves me as much as I love him. I remembered the time when I just came out from my closet, I swore to myself that I would not be someone who has meaningless sex just for temporary pleasure and I would only sleep with the person I love.


After much self thinking as well as concerns from my best mate, I started to pick up myself. My mate, he is totally the opposite version of me. He is straight, has a very strong inclination to what he wants in life, decency priority and to him, sex is a gift, a sacred blessing from the god to human beings who are in love. Sex is not meant to be fun nor empty pleasure. He believes with true love, comes sex. Nevertheless, he respects me for who I am and never pass any judgement unless I ask so. He found it hard to understand why do I need to have sex to get love, why can’t I do love first (not making love) before sex? And what is the hurry with sex?

Is your love going to be any difference from hetero although I know that homos tend to have higher sexual tendency? Is it not worth waiting for the right one to have sex?

All these mind blowing indefinite questions point towards one direction; I was paying sex to get love and my mate, he is paying love to get his holy sacred present from god, sex.


I just wonder if any of you have ever done what I did. My advice is, DO AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Sex Or No SEX?

What is your choice? Sex or No Sex?

In this 21st century, having a good pay job, a warmth comfy niche you call your own, great pals, delicious food and booze are the basic needs a guy striving to have before he screams ‘I HAVE IT ALL, PEOPLE!’. To me, one thing is missing, SEX!

Whether you are having sex with your partner or randomly on casual Never-Phone-Back weekends’ nights, it is your choice. Some choose not to have sex until after ‘Till Death do Us Part’ acknowledgement, as the holy people preach, no pre-marital sex. Does it really matter whether to have sex or not before you tie the knot clutching his heart to yours forever? Being nosy as I am, I pulled all my network strings; online pals, dates, ONS guys, friends and closed mates( straight and gays) to open the Pandora question; would you have sex before or only after shovelling up the engagement ring into your finger?

These are the feedbacks I have got so far after weeks of butting in peoples’ sex life from various social networks (after consent of course ^_^);

“I slept with my closed gay guy friend and topped him over the moon but I did not do it with my girl although I was sleeping next to her.”

The reason, confused sexual orientation.

“It is not decent to sleep with a girl before publically announced indirectly to the world in the wedding that I will take her virginity away tonight after the booze cocktail party,”

Coming out from a conservative guy who has devoted all his life to god and plus, he only wants to marry a decent down to earth virgin girl.

“Sex is not without its consequences, think twice before you sleep. Pain is one of them and yesterday, that was my first anal sex and it was not without unforgettable pain. You can forget your marriage if you develop anal sex phobia”.

First gay timer is always the first new to feel ^_^.

“It is entirely up to my future partner. I don’t want to screw up our love just for a brief moment of pleasure due to lust. Forcing will never ever work.”

This came from a guy who had been working his ass off to get the guy whom he believed has fallen in love with for months until now but still need to fuel up more oil just to get his attention. Good luck to you, pal.

“I believe in sex after marriage, a union of love between me and my husband and I don’t sleep around. Only with my husband shall I reserve my bed for”.

A virgin girl as pure as virgin mother Mary who grew up reading Eternal-Happiness high self esteem books proudly reserved her bed for her Mr. Right.

“In gays, having sex helps you to know if the sex is right or feels right before marrying him otherwise you will be sorry for a pre-nuptial assignment. Sex in gays resembles children in heterosexual couples, which is believed to keep homosexual couples together as forever as possible.”

Now, this came from one of my ONS casuals who usually sleep on the first date and of course, I only popped out the question after sleeping with this yummy delicious guy ^_^.

“It is a difficult decision to make. My answer to your question is; is it going to make a difference sleeping before or only after marriage? It is just sex anyway.”

This is kind of a rhetorical answer with no right or wrong way of doing things coming out from a lawyer would be in the future. Political? Definitely ^_^.

“Err..Sex! I don’t know, with humans or animals?"

Holly Molly, how did he get into my MSN network, I absolutely have no clues.


There were other answers, some explicit whereas some with broken points deviated away from my key question. Those 8 responses above are the closest of all.
As you can see, a wide variety of opinions from all walks of life think according to their beliefs while some, do not think it is an issue. It is your choice to sleep or not to sleep. I guess it answers the question, IT IS YOUR CHOICE!


Nevertheless, another question popped into my mind just after finished writing the previous paragraph, assuming that you truly love a person; DO YOU MARRY FOR SEX OR DO YOU HAVE SEX TO GET MARRIED?

BaRebaCK?

Does it worth having bareback?

No protection, no lube and plus no time waste on putting on the rubber tubes which some guys experience allergic itch after putting them. Definitely, the excitement is there, friction makes you feel good and give you a sense of reward in return. No hassle, just get on with your family jewel and drive you high up like a rocket straight to the moon. Isn’t it wonderful to feel over the moon, especially when making love with the person you truly love or just for the love of doing it? They say, everything comes with a price. There is nothing free in this world, including condom of course. The price to pay for sex is huge, one often over sees it. Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea and thrush, don’t they sound familiar in the flyers, posters and telly everywhere around the world. These are the presents or perhaps the price you pay for after sex enjoyment if you don’t pay enough attention to the importance of rubber tubes. The most devastating nasty bug in which the scientists researcher rolled millions of efforts, money and time on discovering the one magical cure to no avail, like antibiotics to wipe off the bacteria, is nothing new to us, HIV. Unfortunately, it is not a bacteria therefore antibiotics are futile in treating individuals who are infected with this never ending self-replicating smart virus.


As for me, I personally experienced bareback, and I really have to admit that it was wonderful, a whole different sexual pleasure when it comes to NOT using rubber tubes. The ride resembles roller coaster, thrusting up and down erotically high. It was a life time of experience and it will be my only first and last one. As wonderful as it may sound, post-sex feelings are wonderfully challenged in your mental, popping with the gold question; do I have HIV? After my new sexual encounter, bareback for the first time in my life, I began to behave like what other people typically behave, should I go for the test? Can I take results? I remembered vividly, when I was waiting for the results anxiously, restlessly with my cap on, trying to shield from others who might see me longing for the results and I was hoping and praying hard no more second time. Meanwhile I was bargaining with the god for the result, more to like making a pact with the god; If I were negative, I will never ever do it again, never in my life. Out of pathetic and sheer dumb of ignorance for having sex without protection, god has finally forgiven me with a blessing of negative result. That was a huge relief and I should say that, it was much better than sex in the state of knowing your health is fully secured and within your control.


My advice is, there are two ways to see things in life after doing something you regret doing it. Insecure feelings tend to engulf when you are out from your comfort zone. To retrieve back the comfort zone you once stepped out that you swear you should have never taken, involves lots of courage, mentality power or stability and also the will power to go back to square one. However, the reward, after splurging yourself with tonnes of efforts just to be back in your zone, is worthlessly lucrative. There is no money you can buy such reward. Armed with courage going through the test and knowing the results negative are ludicrously heaven. For others, stepping out from one’s zone simply means taking a new step, risking for the reward you desperately want, you reap what you sow.



Meanwhile, back to the cornerstone of the topic,I slept with a guy (protected sex) who was in his 40s and has had un-protective sex for many times despite the awareness of the risks. Besides, he had threesome when he was young without protection. In spite of so many risky occasions he had, he was negative and took the test more often than a child going for a merry go round. I can’t help but wonder, did it not occur to him that one day; he will pay for his action? I asked him and he just slammed me off by saying ‘you don’t understand the top guy’s feelings having a rubber tube covered up inside you and vice versa’. Well, there is one thing I understand, apart from receiving guilty pleasure from your awesome ‘bare’ gifts, one will also receive the emotional turmoil and can barely go through the big “H” test. To add on, he protested, you only live life once and it is just a matter of time you date “Jack the Ripper”, so live your life.

Is life too short for us not to have such guilty pleasure or are you willing to have a short life for the guilty pleasure?

Rescue or to be rescued?

Big massive wave

It’s over, after a couple of months affectionate love and pampering his needs, more than just sexual needs and he finally pulled the plug to call it off. Let’s call him Mr. P. It was wonderful for the first few weeks and I was all over the heel for him, his passion, honesty and cute smiley blue eyes blinded me to fall for him in just weeks. As usual, we had sex not long after the 1st date and there was nothing I could complain, not even a nick of tiny trivial stuff that I usually picked on casual sex. The moment I stepped on to meet his parents, to gain acceptance in his life and he started to freak out. He din even speak a word to negotiate or even reason logically. Instead of rationing, he stopped talking to me and sent me an email of his anger and frustations over my inconsiderate childish suggestion to stay over in his house for summers to build rapport with his parents. The truth is, I don’t really mind if he refused to permit me to meet his parents although he is out to his parents. What hurts me the most was the way he said things in his email which was ‘you may think I am a self-fish bastard, you can just forget me if you dun like me’. This is a powerful statement leaving to me to linger with sleepless days of clueless thoughts with the hope he would retract back these words. Sadly, he did not take back his words but he did apologise for things did not really work out between us and babbled with the same convincing break up words such as ‘you are handsome,,,cute..you deserve someone better than me’… of course, I was badly devastated after reading.



A few days after the big wave landed on me, one of my gfs and I were speaking about her mum trying to set her up with a date. The problem is, my gf shows no absolute interest at all. She wants to be single for the rest of her life, she doesn’t want or need to share her life with someone else, especially watching telly. She prefer to have her own space and freedom to control her telly, That way, it gives her the power to control her favourite channel, her life and her own hobby. Isn’t that a little self-fish, having things on your own, all by yourself without sharing. She did not grow up reading the happy ever after story book and she doesn’t have a clue enough to believe it. I , on the other hand, grew up with cherish thoughts that one day, my white horse shining armour knight will set me free and rescue me from the loneliness empty prison. Wait, hold it there, did I just mention the word rescue.



Are all of us waiting to be rescued or getting ready to rescue?

Relationship?

What keeps the relationship in gay couple going?

I was strolling the chat-room the other day and I encountered a guy, who is in his 30s and engaged to a partner for 10 years. Yes, they have been together for 10 years, doing things together, eating together and fooling around with another together, sometimes with a third party. Yes, I believed the word is threesome. Then it crossed my mind that, is there a monogamy in homo relationship? Even if it does not exist in the dictionary of two guys living happily ever after, does it really matter? The guy whom I mentioned was online looking for someone for threesome, of course with his partner’s knowledge. Doesn’t it feel like cheating sleeping with another guy intentionally? But wait, cheating is the word reserved for those who sleep without consent from the other partner. In his defence, he obtained full consent from his partner and both of them indulge the threesome sex together. This leads me to think, well, it is not that impossible to have a family with children in homo relationship although it comes with strict rules and regulations. The person who authorised the adoption make it hard on purpose for gay couples in looking for adoption as they want to ensure that the child has a proper good healthy environment to grow. But then again, comes back to the question, how many of us are ready to take full responsibility looking after the children welfare. Without children, can sex over take the key that maintain the relationship like in heterosexual relationships do? If yes, how long?

A few days after writing this piece, I bumped into one of my old friends online. His name is Mr. A, he is one of the hot pies in his 40s and he is attached to a guy for nearly 7 years and still counting. I then asked what he thinks about homo- relationship. So the conversation started to flow and he eventually spilled out the beans that he wasn’t actually ready or prepared to commit to anyone although he is now. The reason is simply freedom. He wants to do things on his own , free from permission and also from putting his needs before his partner. His motto passion in life is Freeway, feel free to express his ways of life without soliciting anyone, including his family. However, both of them are living together under one roof pending on commitment. Doesn’t it mean that when two guys stay together in the same room for quite a long while signifies something more than just hook up, in his case, 7 years of same sex with the same person. He denies being in a relationship and still think they are both under trial period for relationship. So it means staying together without commitment.


Do you actually live in a relationship based on mutual understanding prior to commitment or based on love commitment?

WhAT's nEXT AfteR the ' Yes I DO..to Be your bF but Not MARriAge'

They say, it is hard to find someone who is truly and brave enough to commit a strong solid relationship, the kind of happy ever after just you and me no ogling or fantasizing other guy type of relationship. This is especially true in homosexual relationship..it is pronounced as Ho.Moh..SEX..you.all . Yes, it is the word SEX that holds us back from the ‘I do, you’re the only one in my life ‘. I was in the conversation with a bisexual guy who thinks that the chances of two guys living together are slimmer than the tree branch ( I strongly disagree with what he said..but he is a pig head..and one day..wishfully I can prove him wrong ^_^) and on the other hand, heterosexual couples have higher chances of living together as his argument was that having a family with children hold the couples strong together but not in homo couple. However, I debated (really feel the need to defence us, the ‘community’ although I am not a pro gay activist) that in this new millennium, adoption is permissible and legal in some place and the lack of children problem that hold two people together is resolved then. Then, he popped out another question, ‘how many gay guys want to adopt children, maybe those trashies couple at the bottom of the market (those guys who are not fortunate enough to be considered as attractive in gays community) but not the hottie pies, they know nothing about raising and adopting children, they are too self centred for themselves for sex and out of how many gay guys in the street rather have children than having sex with hot tushies?’. In my defence, I argued that not everyone wants hot guys just for sex, some want to share their life with and have a family and not all hot guys are brainless..at least not me ^_^. Whatever it is, what he said has left me to ponder this question, what is left after yes I do, be it for sex with just us two or for abstinence from sleeping with other hot guys. What is going to happen next? How do you salvage your relationship once the sexual passion for one another has run out? Love maybe the answer, but again what is love? More and more questions coursing through my veins as to answer that question. To be honest, I haven’t been in love before...maybe love did show up but I did not realise it. Can we, just have sex with the same person for the rest of our lives to show commitment for love?

No FCuk!!

What a nippy Fcuk sex I have ever had in my life. It was last saturday, I have been getting in touch with this guy in MSN for like almost a year and decided to have some fun to fulfill my needs for rebound to overcome my missing feelings. For your information, he has fair smooth skin and body as lean as a guy should be, an additional bonus perks so let's just call him slicky slimy guy (SSG). Just as I got into his house, my manhood came alive into action and my lips just had a life on its own..needless to mention the heart beat ^_^. So, we started to rub one another to fuel the 'feel' as proclaimed by some people as horny..and the scene goes like this:

Mikey: Oh yeah, you naughty guy...keep going. ( biting his mouth..something I like to do in the middle of kissing ^_^).
SSG: yes..you poor horny boy...you need to be F... every night and day.
Mikey: yes, take me....^_^..please.
SSG carried me over to his bed and put his family jewel for me to taste.
Mikey: get some lube...I have got condom in my bag.
SSG: No..just keep sucking..it's much better..
Mikey: Okie....
time goes on and I keep doing what he seemed to like for hours. Nope..I am not tired yet..and he cum too soon...known as premature ejaculation I supposed.
Mikey: time now for the real action...(grinning ^_^)
SSG: No...you horny boy..that's enough.
Mikey: What do you mean? Enough???? ( he hasnt even Fcuk me yet and enough)
SSG: Nae...I dun want to Fcuk you..
Mikey: what!!!( surprised and much to my dismay).You dont want to Fcuk me..why? Am i not cute enough for ya?
SSG: No...that's not it...(a silence of moment and he took a long pause). It's just that..ahh...shut up...and keep doing that ( pressing my face onto his manhood)
SSG: NO...!!( I resist of course...I won't give up without a fight)..Why don't you Fcuk me...Tell me WHY!!!
SSG: Err..actually..I am too tired to Fcuk you..and you look like a decent boy...I cant do that..too innoncene for that. Besides I don't know you that long enough to FCUK you.
Mikey: What the FCUK? Too tired to FCUK a boy and you call yourself a queer? That just pissed me off and more over you don't trust me enough to FCUK me.
SSG: No, that is not what I mean...you know that....about me having trouble to trust someone too soon..come on mikey..you horny boy.
Mikey: Okie..( What he said trying to defend himself just boiled my blood even more)...I am done..You can go and find someone you trust.

Holly Molly what a maria full of grace he just said not to Fcuk me. Hook ups and no FCUK..what a weirdo you are.

The lesson is, always ask what your sex date want to do before meeting for one night hook-ups.

I MisS yOu

It has been a few months since we last talk about our stuff...sharing jokes..making sweet kisses to one another..but out of sudden...you just dissapear out of nowhere...vanish in the air..with no news about you...leaving me lingering about you all the time..keep thinking...your whereabout....your chat...your monkey stunts you used to pull..I miss you....everything..please come back to me...I want you back.

ThANk yOU

I like this song....thank you for everything...Make me feel thankful for everything ^_^.

Remember to click on the title Thank you for the music video.

How bout getting off of these antibiotics
How bout stopping eating when I'm full up
How bout them transparent dangling carrots
How bout that ever elusive kudo

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

How bout me not blaming you for everything
How bout me enjoying the moment for once
How bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
How bout grieving it all one at a time

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down

How bout no longer being masochistic
How bout remembering your divinity
How bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How bout not equating death with stopping

Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence

yeah yeah
ahh ohhh
ahhh ho oh
ahhh ho ohhhhhh
yeaahhhh yeahh

NeMeSiS

Have you ever worked under an absolute anal dictator who happens to be your supervisor?
You can congratulate me..I hit the jackpot working under the black hole nemesis who keeps sucking your energy like a black shitty hole engulfing your spirit.

Let's just call him the nemesis of all evil (NOAE). I was walking along the corridor and the NOAE grabbed me for a personal talk..yes one on one confrontation with the most evil person of all I have ever known in my life.

NOAE: You know what..i think it is in your culture that your communication seemed to be a problem.
Mikey:...what do you mean?(puzzled, shocked and angry..have got to hide my anger as otherwise he will torture me even more)
NOAE: You just talk a lot..you dont seem to listen...but it is understandable as it is your culture to do that. next time, you listen before you speak.
Mikey: I am so sorry...( I was praying hard to god for the energy to supress my hatred, anger burning flame grilling inside me...despite the apologise tone)
NOAE: Now you see the problem?
Mikey: yes, i will improve it and i see that. Thank you so much for the advice..I really appreciate it( arghhhh..i feel like bursting out his gut so hard wth my fist and leave him in agony forever and ever!!!)

His moron daft judgemental cultural insensitive remark made me feel so depressed and useless for the whole afternoon. I had to take time off to cool down that day and bitched to my colleaque and worried at the same time...my life under the nemesis...big one!

TO NOAE,

I HATE you to my GUTS. Everytime when I see you, I imagine STABBING you over and over again through your INHUMAN heartless heart and step on your brain till it becomes mushy and sqeeushy that disgust me till I'M SICK of you!!!

I GRUDGE you till after my life as a ghost to HUNT you down everynight TERRIFYING you every minute in your sleep till you beg for SUICIDE the only way to escape!!

I CURSE you to hell with your next life as a pinky BRAINLESS ant under my feet STEPPING on you repetitively as hard as i can!!!!

I HATE YOU IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!YOU'RE BOLLOCKS!!

(I APOLOGISE PROFUSELY TO THOSE WHO FIND THIS POST OFFENSIVE)

FIgHt FiGht For thIS SaRCaSTiC LOvE….

Sounds familiar?…it’s a song from my sexy dimple favourite artist, Cheryl Cole (for those who know nothing bout her, she is one of the hot gals in the UK chart topper band, Girls Aloud..or you can just google ^_^I've just added the word sarcastic).
Her song reminds me one of the many sarcastic situations I have been in. It was weekends and I was chilling in the coffee mall with my close friends. The conversation flows like this:

Me: So wot happened to HS (a gal who claimed herself to be the best in everything includes finding the best bf..not really my close frenz but just plain hi bye type frenz ).
My friends: She is seeing someone now..been going out with this guy for quite some time. (a little sniff of envy, suck it up gal ^_^, you will find yourself one soon)
Me: that’s good for her. She is always the picky dicky when it comes to bf. Glad she found one.
My frenz: Yeah…they have been dating and quite stable…you can forget about your old fling with her (smirking, a sign of I-KNOW-YOU-HAVE-SOMETHING-WITH-HER).
Me: Wot did you mean? Old fling? (Absolutely confused)
My frenz: Come on mikey….we know you had something with her in the past..hehe( that is the typical evil smile I’d seen over and over again till I barely noticed )
Me: Hell no, absolutely absurd!!!(she still sees me as a bisexual…^_^ although I repeatedly told her I can only erect in front of the same gender species) where the hell did you get such information?
My frenz: really? Not me, people they talked..mikey ( blinking eyes…that did not help, gal ^_^ )
Me: It can’t be…you know me...most probably just another untold true gossip. Anyway, I dun bother..she has had become someone’s dick now ^_^.

Speaking of the devil….we saw HS walking towards our table coincidentally with her new bf….holding hands…typical new love birds.

HS: hello mikey!! (surprise smile..as usual to act dumb bumping into me coincidentally..in fact…she wanted to show me her new bf)
Mikey: Hello!!! Pretty..how r u ? (a little corner of my eyes inspecting the new guy…it was a disaster..dun get me wrong…not disaster bumping into her..instead..her guy looked like a hurricane disaster…from head to toe..none of them looked OK)
HS: I am good! Thank you…how are you?
Mikey: I am good as usual…I see your fingers have no ring yet ^_^ ..so when is the bells gonna ring?
HS: not so soon…and I see you dun have ring either (trying to be sarcastic here..you barked to the wrong person…little missy^_^)
Mikey: Yeah..I have been waiting for you to make that move :P…all these while after wot ppl talked how much you missed me! (sarcasm penalty in return ^_^)
HS: HAHAHA..(trying to ease the tension by laughing out loud..and wiggling herself to her new guy) see..honey..did you hear that? Competition has just begun. You gotta FIGHT FIGHT FOR THIS LOVE!
Mikey: sooner than you expect but only in your dream ^_^. Keep fighting dreamily gal. HAHA

Her phone rang and she had to go after saying goodbye to me. We burst into laughter after she left.

What a sarcastic day for me ^_^ .

PeKaBoo! SweETieS

Colourful sweeties!

Just as I was nosy making small talks with a few of the receptionists at the front desk, an old man came in to the General practice to drop his "number 2" sample for laboratory evaluation. Next to the drop off sample box, there was a wee basket fulled of colourful miniature attractive wee packets of latex sac used mostly by adults to either avoid pregnancy or nasty gonorrhoea. The old man got intrigued and extended his arms grabbing a few of them, caught my glance and the conversation goes like this:

Old man: Is it free?(smiley face)

Me: Yes,absoultely free. Free from burning sores as well.(replying in a jokingly manner)

Old man: Burning sores?(muddled face)

Me: Although it's not 100% protective, but it still has small percentage of infection risk.(speaking professionally from medical point of view to avoid embarassment)

old man: wot..? (paused a little, put on his glasses hanging from the neck and on closed inpsection) oh jesus..(eyes wide open with surprise)I thought they were sweeties.
He quickly chucked them out from his hands back to the basket.

Me:(my eyes watching in terror as he threw them back..oh gosh..I have to say something to break the weird situation).No it's not but they do have different flavors to suit your taste. (oh jesus christ...where the hell did it come out from >.<)

Old man: HAHAHAHA..That's a good one young man( blink his eyes)

Me: Hehehe(^_^ giggling)

The receptionists bursted into laughters just as the old man had gone out and guess what the gals told me, he was a priest..yes...a retired priest. Holly molly..I have just created a sin making adult jokes with a priest!Can't blame him entirely given a varitey of colors, flavors and designs of condoms available these days. ^_^
The lesson of the story is..watch what you're grabbing..^_^ and always PeekAboo.

BEcaReFuL wHo YoU pOke?

This is the weirdest sex I have ever had in my life. It’s always the bottom who gets poke by your partner’s family jewel. I had a different poking instrument last 2 weeks ago. This guy, who is a wild masculine top, tall and a little hairy ( my fetish of pulling hair during sex helps spice up my wild side in the bed for extra exciting enjoyment ^_^) somehow had his way seducing me to the bed to unleash my suppressed wild side hidden in my work place. I shall call him sexy beastie ^_^ wild and roar like a beast yet sexy at the same time. The scenario goes like this in the middle of making out in his bed (missionary position ^_^):

Sexy beastie: emmm..mikey..wanna try something else?
Me: yeah, why not? (nodding my head enthusiastically)
Sexy beastie: here comes the excitement (fingering me with his god knows how many fingers)
Me: whoah… go slow boy…what the heck is that? (a little confused as it was different from his family jewel feel and size)
Sexy beastie: something much better than my personal private instrument…feel good?
Me: ouch…(screaming out loud and grabbing myself while back arching as he went deeper with his new idea)…what the F***? So bloody sore man..
Sexy beastie: (keep doing although watching my distressed yet enjoyable face) ..like it?
Me: emm…a wee bit too hard..(my family jewel back to the state before it got alive). Are you sure you are doing it the way you are supposed to do it?
Sexy beastie: relax….take it easy…( second fingering…)
Me: S**T…( shaking my head annoyingly)
Sexy beastie: Oppsss…Mikey sorry…forgot to use something…( stop immediately and pull the drawer next to the bed)
Me: What the hell is that? ( I was as puzzled as you are wondering what he forgot at times like this)
Sexy beastie: eh, lube. I forgot to rub with lube…( in a apologetic way )
Me: No wonder…so bloody painful.
Sexy beastie: But you look so bloody sexy when you screamed with joy..HAHA. (trying to buy me back for his game and crack jokes to ease the situation a wee while before proceeding. Nice try Mister..I bought it ^_^)

Hells bells…My ass hells broke loose thanks to his forgetting to put on lube before fingering. My bottom sores for at least one week and I am still counting now. Much to my surprise, he commented my grimace at that moment stimulated his family poking instrument even more…^_^.

Opps I did it again!

Dear Life,

I am such a Lucifer. Always on the flirt and hunt for some new fresh faces…especially innocent cute young guy who I can’t resist sending signal in a very seductive way. Just this afternoon, when I was stretching yoga as usual in the gym on the floor mat, I accidentally spotted a young lad with prominent gorgeous masculine facial contour and hazel sparkling eyes on his face. My eyes met him and his eyes as well and I just kept starring at him like I have never seen a sky before while still on the ear phone listening to 90s. He smirked at me and I was like “here come the brownie point after much hard work of admiring his figure”. I starred back at his smiley angel face of course with a smile that I want him so badly…^_^. I could sense he wanted to break the ice but guess what…I was still on my ear phones with music out loud blast. He would have noticed that because I was singing to myself in soft voice while running my favourite music. Bottom line is, he was going to break the ice but thanks to my naïve moron ignorance of not having the courtesy to off my ear phones L. Well, as expected, he went off and I was so devastated with myself for not taking off the earphones and listened to what he had to flirt…^_^. That was so close yet so far to get into his heart. I blew up another chance again, a pathetic offer from the god for giving me such a cute, sexy eyebrow, athlete’s figure lad in my life.

In fact this is not first time. I had a similar encounter with same stupid mistakes and often tell myself not to repeat it again but my mind is just not listening to the signals sent out by those hotties when my precious little IPOD starts playing my favourite music. Too late too regret, once these hotties are gone, they are gone. Not a chance to meet them anymore in the gym. It’s like either all or none law.

BEREAVEMENT

Dear Life,

It's the second day since the tragic death of my beloved maternal grandma. Nothing has changed, I mean my feelings. Bereavement stage is supposed to be kicking in now but am I really in? I have no idea whether I am in the middle of grieving the lost for I feel that I did not feel as sad I am supposed to be. People always talk about the stages of bereavement and how one has to encounter enormous emotions and phase before actually accepting the fact that something which has gone is gone, forever eternity. What seemed to be missing is what precedes bereavement? What signs may indicate a person will be going to the first stage of bereavement or starting to feel the grief? No one knows. The answer is murky, no clear cut as to what point to bereavement.

If only I know when will I bereave, I would have not twisted my own mind over and over again asking myself when is the right time for me to do so.

Hopefully, (again have to be optimistic although I don't seriously 100% feel so) the answer will resurface soon.

ILL-THRIVEN CRISIS

Dear Life,

I can't believe it's time to write again despite all my efforts trying to keep myself off from the blog, taking my mind off unseen unfortunate events that keep landing on me. Yes, like a drama, eventful series unfolding one by one and blues creeping out one by one. I don't even know where and how to begin my story.

Just one hour ago, I received the most shocking news ever this year, my beloved grandma passed away. Not a natural death, a tragic death from neglected late stroke diagnosis. Guess what is more tragic...I din even get the chance to see her one last time before she got burial. There isn't a word I can think of at the moment to describe how should I be feeling and what am I supposed to do....there isn't even any suggestion of what can i do to make things better among everyone who grieves the lost. Nothing but numbness and dismay drowning me myself in the room alone...time to cry again? No...I have cried way too much just before this new year for things that did not work out and much to my promise that i will pull myself together for this new year...time to rant again? No....I have been rattling non stop bargaining my state of life with god given the financial crisis as well as personal crisis that somehow never stop landing on me....is it time to be sombre and down myself a little? no again as emptiness and sadness are not new to me anymore since the biggest turmoil failure in my life happened much to my horror surprise. All I am saying is.....these things that make us feel inferior to ourselves and keeping us away from our comfort zone numb me. You must be thinking...such a insensitive prick I am with no feelings or emotions that a normal person should have reacted on receiving unexpected nightmares news. Truth is....after a repetitive cycle of despair hit you over and over again...you lose yourself on the road. It's like hands on the wheel in a car, you keep spinning with no sense of where-about you want to go but your conscious mind tells you to keep doing it, don't care where you are heading...don't care where are you..don't care bout the traffic. Just keep doing what you are doing. It's like a zombie...physically intact with out of your mind.

Honestly speaking, I wish i can be as insensitive too all these as i wish to be but in reality, I am a super sensitive big weeper, always stranded emotionally with bad news, turmoils, tragic death, failures and hopeless grades. When is this gonna end? When is this gonna change? Be optimistic about the future? easier said than done when you don't see it happening. Do something bout it instead of grumbling? Yes..I have done all I can within my limit capacity but still...nothing has changed. What more else can i do? Pray to god and meditate? Yes..I have done that but things got worse and I am so afraid that i would lose faith in the religion that i always believe in. What else can I do? Talking to people bout my problems....yes tried that...been a joy killer before in many times in many ways. Retail therapy? never try that but it is reserved for those born with golden spoon in their mouth blessed with unlimited credit card quota. Treasure my life as life is too short...nothing much for me to treasure except thanking the basic needs I have and there wont be any treasure left after my last breath. Just so what more can I do? alcohol or smoking? typical solutions to get rid of problems but also the "gateway" to drugs and addiction but i never have the guts to do that...too chicken and too enlightened by the harmful consequences. Antidepressant? I never touch medications unless my health deteriorates bad enough for ventilator's machine. The last resort....as anyone could have guessed is taking your own life to end it once and for all. Does it sound like a selfish act....no concerns over ppl who care about your life. The truth again, I cant afford to die as I still have many unresolved business, monetary and non-monetary loans to give back, responsibility I promised and on top of that, to the people who give my life.

Do all these problems; achievement failure, personal life crisis, stunted finance, tragic death, disappointments, upsetting those who are close and matters you the most..considered as a single source of stress? Can you tie all these into one single stress as such you wont have to deal each of of them but just one? Wouldn't it be easier to deal with one rather than more than just one?

All I know right now, I am so knackered coping with all these disasters which apparently never know when is the full stop. Perhaps coping isn't the right word....as no measures yet that I could use to cope...tumbling down may be the better words.

WHAT IS THE PRICE OF LOVE?

If love were standing in front of me and asked me "what are you prepared to give me?" I don't know what I would say, perhaps I'd ask "what have I done to you and why did you spin my head around like that?" then, I will shake the love thoughts till they gets whirled around like a hurricane storm in a glass of water। Maybe I am naïve। Maybe hope dies last. Although my heart is lying pieces on the ground right now and other people are jigging the samba on it. I can feel that in the end love will give me a chance. It's just that it's hard not to lose faith. Especially when love stabs you in the back, you will have doubts. Because love also hurts. But it is still the greatest of all feelings. We give everything for love…really everything? Is that too high for the price to pay? Would you be prepared to pay for love with our own lives? If you are destined to each other, the world can end but at least you are not alone. It's better to drown together than to burn alone. Love burns but maybe that is only true when your love is not big enough. Maybe sometimes, you believe in the love of your life even though they are not the one. I wish I could get my courage back to leave the past behind me. With renewed strength and without old wounds. That is why I let my soul write these words. Someday I will courageously laugh in the face of my fate.

ROOM TO MOVE ABOUT?

Freedom bound disease.

Arthritis, a disease with a broad range of chronic disorders characterized by idiopathic origins affecting primarily the joint has a huge impact on one's life. For example, the case of an 85-year-old married woman, who used to be outgoing in her early 40, has had an unexpected turnover in her life after diagnosing with rheumatoid arthritis. For the past 40 years, she had struggled to cope with the changes in her life. Although the disease had been with her for almost 4 decades, she is still adjusting.

Her life began to take its toll when she noticed redness on both her hands followed by the stiffness of the joints in the morning prior to the rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis. The lost of her gripping power was the first physical limitation manifested and it progressively became worst when her arms were too painful to lift up. In addition to that, failure to move her fingers intricately compromised her favorite job of sewing. Consequently, she quit not only the job but also her hobby of teaching people to sew. After a few years downing with the burden, restriction of walking distance started to build up as swelling on her knee joints made her tender on getting from one place to another even in the vicinity of her room. From squatting to sitting in the toilet and walking to sitting more often had been slowly replacing her normal daily routine. Besides, sometimes imbalance came out of nowhere and it was hard for her to make a turn.

Having all these functional physical loss, she withdrew from the active participation such as letting go of her post in women's institution and absent for any of the launched organization. A drastic change swept through her social life from once being an extrovert to an introvert state. Fortunately, she had two supportive and caring sons living with her. In terms of her marriage, it was not fruitful as her husband passed away a few years after she came down with the arthritis but she inherited a big fortune from the husband's will. As a result, her financial wise was not an obstacle to her living although she was unemployed.

As the disease progressed, the rheumatic nodules deposition on the elbow and joints between the phalanges became more apparent. She claimed to have cosmetic problems in dressing herself up for any social events and found it emotionally hard being a "different" person. However, she did overcome the turmoil of accepting it with the assistance of the family members' support. In fact, the love from her children was enough to pull her strength back in dealing with the obstacles.

With the advancing of her diseased state, her dosage immune modulation medications advanced up as well. She experienced poor wound healing, easy bruising on her skin with just a minor scratch and dry eyes. As a part of the therapy regimen, she had had her blood withdrawn out every 4 weeks and it was dreadful getting needles mark on the arms.

After going through all these years, she was glad to have her sons to be there when she needs them. Finally, she hoped that one day someone would come out with a cure for rheumatoid arthritis to ease the sufferings of having it.

After all, it's a scary disease to have.

BACHELOR OR NOT? YOU DECIDE

Nothing much for me to do during these holidays aside from entertaining my mother by actively participating in the business or loitering around in the malls with my buddy and stop by halfway for a drink. So, in the middle of the conversation, shock came into my mind when the word "detached" coming out from his mouth. What surprised me even more is the way he reacted to it and coping with it as if nothing great or significant impact on his emotions. That is my friend, eddy (name has been changed to protect privacy), who has been in a relationship more than 2 years with a girl he met in working. Out of a sudden, he wanted to be free and single from engaging and do what the bachelors can do other than party and hooking up for random sex. Upon asking him the reason for pulling such a daring act, his answer, clearly reflected on his face….breakaway…just a word to summarize his lengthy speech of denying his fault in the breaking up. Then, one of my other friends asked…"what if you are in the mood for the guys need", should it be kudos or a shame to him for posing such a question? Kudos for him to remind eddy's irrational move and self-fish of not caring on his girlfriend needs or a shame on him for taking things for granted if you know what I mean. Whatever his decision is, as a friend, you gained my respect as a buddy but not when it comes to gentle-man to a lady. At the end of the day, let's see the difference being single versus those being in a couple.

10 GRIZZLY TRUTHS:

Being a bachelor:

1) You have absolute control over your own daily timing be it out for a drink or a party.

2) Finance is free to alter in whatever way you want as long as " you spent on what you earned for yourself"

3) Flirting without thinking twice and this sometimes but not always goes together with sleeping around…haha.

4) Complimentary drinks from the girls if they think you are hot.

5) Boundless of your favorite invitation delivered to you door-step, but not marriage wedding I guess.

6) Liberation to have your room to be styled in whichever ways that you fancy.

7) No restrictions on whatever you are doing even though it is pertaining to your physical appearance… "if you have it, flaunt it"…after all it is a metrosexual world for this new era.

8) No report or permission is required to do anything.

9) Save your energy to focus on your studies or job rather than resolving the conflicts arising from women are from Venus, men are from Mars type of opinions.

10) Finally, free to have sex with no strings attached.

Being a lover:

1) Starting with the most basic bonus, someone to hold on into when the tough gets going or going gets tough.

2) Get the feelings of noticed or needed when you are alone apart from your close relatives, provided the love is pure and genuine from the heart.

3) Financial support from your girl if just in case a real bankruptcy hits you, you will never know u might be out of job for a few months or even a year.

4) To share something that you cannot share with your relatives or your close friends.

5) Kill the extra time you have on surprising her with the best measure if you like seeing her smile all the time.

6) A bolted sweet memory with the girl you love.

7) To have a trusted person to discuss with when a decision has to be made by you.

8) No more doubts on whether the sex is free from STD given that you or your girl is faithful to each other.

9) The warmth gifts from the girl of your dream…haha..a bit materialistic here.

10) A promising future with abundant of joys and happiness.

After all these reviews, whichever route you choose to become, always out-weight before choosing it.

LOVEY DOVEY CONFECTION

Sitting here, Listening to the tip-top sound of the raindrops pelting against the edge of the windows, leading me to ponder, When will the moody cloudiness sky begins to subside, At the same time, wondering If you are appreciating the emotional side of mother's nature as well, The thoughts, so vividly, so brilliantly Flashed into my mind like a thunder storm,Roaming in the sky,Full of curiosity to scratch your whereabouts, Lingering in my mind like a lost child, Your gaze, touch, breathe, warmth companion, Reminds me of how lucky, to be bound to you.

A drop of lovely scents,
Resemblance of your figure sense,
A pile of genuine smiles,
Results of my crush on you,
A sum of beauty looks,
Produce my savour to you,
A pair of sparkling eyes,
Reminds me of your shadow,
A dose of relevant energy,
Outcomes a great happiness I aimed

A GOOD PHYSICIAN’S SECRET RECIPE

What is the recipe behind a good doctor? If you ask the chefs "what is the secret behind a good food?", then the most likely answer is the quality of the ingredients and the customers' content on the food they eat. After some time of thinking, I found out that both have the same approach in making the subject good. From the patient's point of view, they would tell you that the package of a doctor attracts them to see whenever they fall ill. So overall, it's the same thing that they want in a physician, quality and satisfaction. Let's start with the high grade ingredients, shall we:

• A few stacks of book
• Nuggets of general knowledge
  
• A jar of wisdom
• Two big spoons of rationale
  
• A regular sized mug full of facts
  
• A pinch of intelligence
  
• 1 teaspoon of good judgment

Mix all these ingredients into a pot (brain), heat (study) the mixture until boiling. Continue heating and stirring with a spoon (concentration) until you notice the mixture is thick enough (memory). Turn off the stove; remember not to over heat (over study). Burnt mixture tastes bad. Slowly pour the mixture onto a plate. Next up, for the ornaments to decorate the food:

• A clove of confidence
• A few straws of empathy and patience
• A few petals of smiley face
  

Adorn the ornaments carefully on the plate. Make sure it is clean and well groomed. Now, you are ready to serve the food to the customer (patient).